It was one of those days when it’s a minute away from snowing. And there’s this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it, right? And this ball was just… dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. That’s the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid. Ever.
Video’s a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember… I need to remember…
Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world I feel like I can’t take it… and my heart is going to cave in.
Flozell Adams should be expecting a call from the league office following his latest act of douchebaggery. The NFL’s dirtiest player took another cheap-shot at Justin Tuck, this time opting to go with the reverse attack rather than his standard leg sweep. This should mark Adams’ fourth fine of the year for dirty tactics, leaving us to wonder how long it will be before a defensive end finally cripples this asshole in retaliation.
Now that House is off of Vicodin he’s finally lucid enough to notice that Foreman looks quite a bit like Steelers coach Mike Tomlin. Brett Favre nods knowingly. [With Leather]
Last night saw Brett Favre lined up wide in the wildcat package and the veteran gunslinger put together a perfect demonstration of the illegal crackback block on Houston’s Eugene Wilson. And what’s this? The broadcast booth is criticizing him?
Where’s Tony Kornheiser to offer up excuses when we need him?!
How’s he supposed to know how to block, he’s a QUARTERBACK!
Occasionally, I like to act like a big man and savagely mock well-intentioned YouTube videos. In this one, ShelleyK80 is celebrating a supposed milestone regarding Houston’s erstwhile football team, while expounding upon her personal travails. Let’s join in the fun, shall we?
Executive 1: So we’ve changed the stadium’s name, associated ourselves with Jimmy Buffet, and brought in some other big name owners like Gloria Estefan, Marc Anthony, and Jennifer Lopez. You know, for the fans. Still, I feel like we need something else to get them packing the stands this season.
Executive 2: Well everybody hates the team’s fight song, maybe we could come up with something a little better to improve fan support.
Executive 1: I like where you’re going with that, but a new song will cost money, and frankly we don’t have time to start pricing out songwriters.
Executive 2: Well I happen to know of an artist who can take an existing song and breathe new life into it in a matter of minutes.
Executive 1: Really? What’s this guy’s name? Is he expensive?
Executive 2: His name is T-Pain and he’ll record pretty much anything in exchange for something shiny. My kids say he’s all the rage.
Executive 1: Sounds good. How does he do it?
Executive 2: From what I understand he sings into this magic box and it turns any boring old song into a guaranteed hit that the kids will love for at least a week.
Executive 1: [into intercom] Get me T-Pain’s people on the phone. Oh, and how about that drunk artist who paints all of that annoyingly colorful crap? Yeah, let’s get him in on this project too!
Peter King shows how a man about town can look cool, all while RESPECTING THE SUN. Our own Christmas Ape had some fun with the picture, which you’ll find after the jump. It’s well worth the trip.
This afternoon we have another edition of the sporadic “Inside a Tailgate” series. It’s a feature that gives you insight into some of the goings-on with fans around the league. And it gives us a chance to count a YouTube video as a post. Nice.
00:01 – Chubs tells “Reggie Wane” that he will handle the introduction duties. I’ve just seen this guy, but I have always been able to make snap judgments about people. I predict this guy will open his introduction with some Proust before making a dry self-deprecating observation on the human condition. That, or quoting Stone Cold Steve Austin. It could go either way.
0:03 – Hitch up you sweatpants, Bulbous Fett.
0:08 – Waiting for his cue… Biscuits ‘n’ Gravy here is used to working with professionals. Give his ass a countdown, you clod.
0:10 – “HEY! WE’RE COLTS FANS!” This is your brilliant introduction? This is the least expository introduction in the history of introducing stuff. Christ, this thing is already going downhill.
0:16 – Now he introduces Shawne Merriman, “defensive player for the Chargers”. Dude, if we don’t already know who he is, your impression is kind of pointless.
0:20 – This guy seems to shortchanging Merriman’s surname by a full syllable– pronouncing it ‘Merman’. It seems they fear this Mer-Man and thinks he intends to drag them before King Poseidon and his briny palace in Atlantis.
0:24 – Two days later, he moaned and flopped in precisely the same manner when the EMT administered the defibrillator.
0:31 – “RETARD….OUT!” He says it like that’s his end communication signal.
0:36 – At first I thought it was a novelty helmet, merely festooning his head whimsically before the big game. I know realize he is living with a serious head injury and that thing is a medical necessity under doctor’s orders.
I’m the most sensitive person in the world to people hating on my team, but I can’t resist this deranged video comparing the Steelers unfavorably to the New York Yanks football team. If you say you haven’t heard of the Yanks, you’ve clearly been sleeping, because according to this video, they practice on a tropical atoll and have won 12 Super Bowls compared to the Steelers’ paltry three. Not only that, but the Yanks have a much more macho dead celebrity trainer and a thugged out Ben Franklin on their logo. Hate to say it, but: advantage Yanks.
Tip of the hat to PSAMP for digging up this honey mustard sauce-dipped nugget of concentrated insanity.
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