This is Cincinnati Ben-Gal Olivia. Olivia, along with five other smoking hot fictional cheerleaders, writes for a well-known fictional NFL humor blog. Olivia told her blog-mates that she would take care of the Friday cheerleader post– a recurring fictional feature that had become somewhat of a fictional institution on their blog.

But for some reason Olivia never wrote the cheerleader post and all of the fictional people who read her blog were sad and confused. The other five fictional cheerleaders were so angry they stuffed Olivia into a fictional burlap sack and dropped her off the Roebling suspension bridge into the Ohio River. They agreed to tell Olivia’s friends that she became a hooker and moved to Beckowanckal Heights, a fictional city that is exactly like the very real city of Las Cruces, New Mexico in every detail. They’ve already started to forget what Olivia looked like…

Speaking of the Bengals, Ocho Cinco has been described by a Cincinnati lawyer as possessing “the mental agility of a small soap dish.” What an awful thing to say. A real cheap shot. Didn’t that mean old lawyer man ever stop to think that small soap dishes might have feelings too?