Brooke Shields: An epidemic is sweeping the nation. U.S. birthrates are at a 35-year high. Is it out of love? No. Is it for companionship? Wrong. Is this the next baby boom? Yes. It’s the Routan Boom.

More and more people are having babies simply for German engineering. Take this couple.

Willis McGahee: That’s right. This shit hot.

All you gotta do is knock a bitch up and they give you one a’ these, right?

Brooke: But…

Uh…

this is…

McGahee: Oh yeah, this gone look rull good in the driveway next to the three Escalades I got for them other kids.

So does it matter the color of the bitch? Like, if I gave it to you without wrapping it up, would I get a white car?

Brooke: No, it doesn’t work that way.

McGahee: Thank goodness. Them white cars is impossible to keep clean. Almost as bad as having to raise a kid. That’s for punks. I just have kids for the cars. Keep the car, ditch the kid. Gotta make payments on both, though, which sucks.

Kind of a shame about the color thing. I could go for one in red. And I’ve never had the privilege of knocking up an Indian girl. Feather, not dot. Dot I’ve done.

Brooke: I don’t really think you know what we’re going for here. This is an ad campaign. The gimmick is people are having kids just to justify buying a van. You’re supposed to deny you’re having a kid to get the car.

McGahee: Yeah, I know. I’m with you. It’s cool. I was kidding anyway. I don’t baby up a bitch for cars. I can buy them shits on my own. And I sure as shit wouldn’t be doing it for a fucking Routan. They’re Joe Flacco gay.