Kissing Suzy Kolber » yee-haw

YEEEEE HAWWWWW MY FAMILY IS TRAUMATIZED

Christmas Ape — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 05:20:50 +0000

If you want to be technical about it, this screencap of an anguished Jerry Jones grandson was taken just before Bailey’s second and non-iced kicked was blocked, but I feel it encapsulates the tenor of the shitheel Double J luxury box throughout the duration of the Cowboys finding a way to blow yet another huge primetime game in hilarious fashion.

Ah, so very satisfying. THE CURSE OF THE LIVE BLOG IS OVER!!!!!!

“Hmm. Yes. A squandering of an advantageous position does make one parched, does it not? My options inasmuch as liquid refreshment are limited. I supposed I must partake of this commoner sugar water. Oh, how it offends the taste buds with its coarse aggression for immediate register. Let me sluice it down my gullet such a way that it destroys as little of my precious pallet as possible. Careful now, wakeful hand.”

BREAKING: Dan Reeves quits Cowboys after whopping one-day tenure

flubby — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 01:04:19 +0000

This morning, ESPN’s Matt Mosley reported that Dan Reeves had begun working for the Dallas Cowboys in an as yet unspecified consulting role. This evening we learned that Reeves has already quit. This means one of two things. Either, A: Reeves works very fast and was able to resolve the Cowboys myriad issues in a single day; or B: Jerry Jones is an insufferable pain in the ass and Reeves prefers unemployment to putting with his shit. Hmmmm, let me think about that for a nanosecond…

[ thx to Lumpy for the tip ]

Nothing moves the pizza pie like comical punches to the crotch.

flubby — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 16:11:33 +0000

Rather than look on in approval from afar, Jerry Jones seems to inject himself into the action as much as possible. After Sunday’s win over the Bucs, Jones usurped the coach’s post-game prerogative and awarded the game ball. Jones gave the ball to Wade Phillips, nominally for his defensive play-calling, who reportedly dumped the ball moments later. Perhaps Wade would have preferred a box of Drake’s Devil Dogs.

In addition to part-time coaching, Jerry is also a big-time television star. Here’s the recent pizza commercial referenced in the Newsday link. (FF to the :30 mark if you want to see the groinal fustigation and are willing to forgo essential plot and thematic developments.)

A millionaire pretending to take a punch in the dick? At some point you think he might say to himself ‘I am a sixty-six year old billionaire, perhaps some quiet dignity is in order.’ But alas, it appears nothing is too unseemly for Jerry:

Director: Jerry, Jerry, in this one we need you to look into the camera and say “Dis here Papa John’s sho’ am good pizza!” Take a bite, aaaand then… shit your pants.

Jerry: Okay, roll ‘em.