Green Bay Packer Sam Sheilds decided to get a tattoo of his Super Bowl ring, and just to make sure you could see it, he had it arranged on the left side of his neck.

Way to go, Sam. You can kiss that job on Wall Street goodbye.

Via Shutdown Corner.

Jenn Sterger is back in the news after she gave an exclusive interview to ABC’s “Good Morning America.” I don’t really think it’s fair to call it an “exclusive” when only one media outlet seems to care, but since NBC and CBS have megadeals with the NFL, one could make an argument as to whether that’s actually the case (actually, so does ABC, since Disney owns ESPN. Forget I said that).

Sterger looks hot here. And sad, which is my favorite kind of hot. I’m sure George Stephanopoulos just put an arm over her shoulder after the interview and said, “Hey baby, everything’s gonna be alright.” Bow chicka wow-owwww.

That isn’t to say that I’m not sympathetic, but Sterger dug her own grave in my opinion. She claims that she never met Brett Favre (which I believe) and that she wasn’t looking for money (which I don’t). A smear campaign backfired in her face and now she’s basically unhireable. Who would have thought that mishandling privileged information would have been such a prerequisite for journalism?

[Deadspin/ABC News.]

[ via The Clearly Dope ]

Every Monday this season, I’ve made sure to record the dumbest quotes Jon Gruden has made in the booth. I’m not sure why I’m bothering. I might make a mix of them. I might just let the videos take up space on my hard drive. My life is consequential like that.

That said, as supremely annoying as Gruden is in the booth, I actually enjoy his weekly one-on-one sitdown with a star player that airs immediately before kick-off of MNF. It’s not that these segments are any more illuminating than any other pointless interview between a player and a talking head, but it is amusing to see Gruden completely (maybe too much) at ease with athletes.

I mean, you have to assume there’s some level of comfort given that he coached in NFL for however many years, but Gruden’s is such that he comes off as the affable drunk bachelor uncle who takes you aside at the family outing and asks you uncomfortable questions about your current girlfriend. That might be the only thing missing from these segments.

“What’ll I do, little missy? Ol’ Jerry will tan my hide for sure and no one will ever hire me as a head coach again in this league. That is, aside from Buffalo again in two years. You gotta let me know everything will be okay.”

Between crying jags as the Redskins were going through the final minute of yesterday’s loss to the Lions, Maj caught an amusing name among Fox’s camera crew. At first blush, Buzz Schwing sounds as though it might be a subtly orchestrated prank from someone in the production team, but it just so happens that Mr. Schwing is an actual person with real feelings and endearing crotch thrusts.

In other news, our combined intellectual age is somewhere around 16.

Oh, and did you hear that Donovan McNabb got benched late in the game for the Sex Cannon and that Grossman fumbled for a clinching Lions touchdown? Of course not. You surely rely on a lazy football dick joke blog for all your breaking sports stories. We wanted to do something to mock McNabb for already losing the confidence of yet another head coach, but he already took the liberty of producing his own moutheyes image. That’s veteran moutheye discipline.

There hasn’t been a decent auto-tune remix in, what, three weeks? I’m sure some of you out there are starting to get the shakes, so here’s Andy Reid talking about his quarterback situation with Kevin Kolb and Michael Vick (this was before Vick had the cartilage blasted from his torso. It’s not a five-star effort by any stretch, but it should get you through this rough patch, at least until someone else gets raped in Lincoln Park again.

What game was it this year when Andy Reid came out of the 2-minute warning, then called timeout at the line AND THEN TOOK A DELAY OF GAME before even getting a play out to his team? With game management like that, you could be playing Coy Koi Koy Detmer at quarterback and have similar levels of “success.”

HT: The Wiz Wit.

Well here’s a new picture of Bar Refaeli to make up for that. Fun with PK will be along shortly. [Popoholic via Warming Glow]

Now see here, Lord Baltimore. This new coastal city in the Maryland colony shows much promise. It’s not nearly the cesspool of filth that others make it out to be. I think that you, sir, should lend your name to this town. It has been set up quite nicely to be a village of tranquility and peace. What could possibly go wrong?

This here is a Baltimore fire hydrant. It’s the finest in our great nation. Why, you ask? Because these hydrants have bigger valves than any other hydrants in America. Only Baltimore hoses work on these hydrants. We like it that way. Bigger valves means more water through the hose. With that kind of water pressure, what could possibly go wrong?

Now see here, boys. All we have to do is take some of these colored families and just put them smack dab into the middle of these white neighborhoods. After a while, the white families will become accustomed to their new neighbors, and the blacks won’t ever have to invent rap music. Baltimore will be the epicenter of racial harmony throughout America. What could possibly go wrong?

Look, Mr. Mayor, all I’m saying is that we gotta play hardball with these guys. Everybody knows how important this city is to the team, and we need to get as much rent out of Memorial Stadium as we can. Besides, everyone knows that the Baltimore Colts aren’t going anywhere. What could possibly go wrong?

Ray, come on man! Come down to the Super Bowl with us in Atlanta! It’s the ATL! Why you always so worried about stayin in the house n’ shit, fool? Check this out, we’re gonna get a limo. One with above-average acceleration ability. You could bring a couple of those old friends of yours. The really stabby ones. What could possibly go wrong?

Come on, Jamal. Just call up my friends for me and tell them to meet us downtown. What are so you worried about? Oh, sure, if a drug deal happened to go down after you make the call, you’ll be pursued relentlessly by the feds and incarcerated on a technicality. But the chances of that happening are about as slim as rushing for 2,000 yards in one season. What could possibly go wrong?

Shit. Did I leave the iron on?

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: On in three minutes, everyone.

CHRIS McKENDRY: So some of us are heading over to Luiza’s for lunch after the show. You guys should come along. It’ll be fun.

MORT: Yeah, that sounds great. I’ll have to check in at home with the boss first, but I should be able to make it. What do you say, Adam?

SCHEF: (tapping furiously on Blackberry) …Uh…I’m sorry, guys. What’s going on?

MORT: Chris just invited us to lunch to that Italian place on Middle Street, and I thought–

CHRIS McKENDRY: Actually, it’s on Enterprise Drive

MORT: Uh, Enterprise Drive, and I thought it would be nice if we could…

SCHEF: Can’t make it. Have fun, though. And stay away from the mashed potatoes. I have a source telling me that they’re using a different vendor for the next 4 to 6 weeks because of supply issues. (returns to BlackBerry)

MORT: Can you stop communicating with your sources for just five minutes and have a human conversation for once?

SCHEF: Huh? No, I’m not texting. I’m playing “Brick Breaker.” I’m whipping this game’s ass.

CHRIS McKENDRY: Adam, you think that’s such a good idea right before–

SCHEF: Dammit! Oh well, at least now I have time to check Facebook before the segment. Maybe I’ll enroll in kara-tay.

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Two minutes, everyone.

MORT: Aren’t you gonna give us something on Andre Johnson’s contract negotiations?

SCHEF: Nope.

MORT: Tim Tebow’s progress in OTAs?

SCHEF: Nuh-Uh.

CHRIS McKENDRY: Matt McChesney’s freak golf cart injury?

SCHEF: I got nothin’.

CHRIS McKENDRY: Well…then what are we going to talk about four minutes?

SCHEF: I’m gonna do what Mort does and pull total bullshit out of my ass.

CHRIS McKENDRY: …Oh, not this again.

SCHEF: And then I’m gonna stand behind my bookshelf on camera and tell the world what a little weiner you have.

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: One minute!

MORT: Hey! I’ve had about enough of this! This is the fifth time that you’ve–

CHRIS McKENDRY: Second time…

MORT: The second time that you’ve been so unprofessional and just…just an ass, man! You sir, are an ass! You just act so fucking smug everywhere you go and I am sick sick sick of it!

SCHEF: Why don’t you just shut shut shut the fuck up?

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Thirty seconds!

TONY DUNGY: Wow, that’s quite a situation over there in Bristol!

[smiles uncomfortably]

So Rodney, what do you think of the hijinks of the ESPN crew, and do you think they’ll be able to get their act together before the cameras roll?

RODNEY HARRISON: I don’t know what’s going on, but really I lost interest a while ago. These really aren’t well-developed characters. Is Schefter supposed to represent the aggressive business type that makes the rest of us feel inadequate? Or he just supposed to make Mort look like the sack of goose turd that we all know he is? This is so poorly written that it’s hard to tell.

And worst of all, it’s not even funny. I’m sure this would have been 100 percent better if Drew would have done it, but that didn’t happen here. At least we can all agree that Keith Olbermann molests third-world children in his basement.

TONY DUNGY: Uh, Rodney, I didn’t see anything here about–

RODNEY HARRISON: Shut the fuck up, Tony.