KSK’s favorite whipping blob, Peter King, is even more long-winded and meandering than usual this week, so it may be awhile before I can finish slogging through this 8,500-piece order of Petey McNuggets. In the meantime, let’s discuss the biggest NFL crossover into pop culture of the weekend besides Cleatus’ latest cameo on The Simpsons: Elisha hosting “Saturday Night Live”.

Yes. “All-time annals.” Eliminate redundancies and MMQB might actually come in under a page.

Anyway, our Uproxx colleagues at Warming Glow have a full breakdown, but I will add that it’s highly appropriate for Eli’s best sketch to be a play on something Peyton already did on the show. In lieu of further commentary, please enjoy a handful of unflattering, out-of-context screenshots of big hosting boy Eli.

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MMQB hasn’t been posted yet, so your weekly PK bashing will be running a little behind. In the meantime, here’s a quick Monday morning breakfast nugget to tide you over. Obviously, the combine is in full swing, with the NFL world busy obsessing about tangibles, such as a player’s height and 40 time, only so they can be disregarded in favor of intangibles, like heartiness and how likely a player is to be an architect in a columnist-constructed alternate reality, come draft time. Like most NFL things, it’s a highly regimented process where any amount of chaos is very much appreciated. So when Mississippi State running back running back Vick Ballard did a tripod plant running the 40, it was like manna from wherever it is manna comes from. The Internet acted accordingly, posting screencaps and GIFs of the fall. I proposed the idea that a video of Ballard’s spill would be enhanced by the theme to Crocodile Mile, because such an idea would combine two of my favorite things:

1. The misfortune of others
2. Crocodile Mile

To their everlasting credit, SB Nation heeded the call and put together the video. I will treasure it always.

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Green Bay Packer Sam Sheilds decided to get a tattoo of his Super Bowl ring, and just to make sure you could see it, he had it arranged on the left side of his neck.

Way to go, Sam. You can kiss that job on Wall Street goodbye.

Via Shutdown Corner.

Jenn Sterger is back in the news after she gave an exclusive interview to ABC’s “Good Morning America.” I don’t really think it’s fair to call it an “exclusive” when only one media outlet seems to care, but since NBC and CBS have megadeals with the NFL, one could make an argument as to whether that’s actually the case (actually, so does ABC, since Disney owns ESPN. Forget I said that).

Sterger looks hot here. And sad, which is my favorite kind of hot. I’m sure George Stephanopoulos just put an arm over her shoulder after the interview and said, “Hey baby, everything’s gonna be alright.” Bow chicka wow-owwww.

That isn’t to say that I’m not sympathetic, but Sterger dug her own grave in my opinion. She claims that she never met Brett Favre (which I believe) and that she wasn’t looking for money (which I don’t). A smear campaign backfired in her face and now she’s basically unhireable. Who would have thought that mishandling privileged information would have been such a prerequisite for journalism?

[Deadspin/ABC News.]

[ via The Clearly Dope ]

Every Monday this season, I’ve made sure to record the dumbest quotes Jon Gruden has made in the booth. I’m not sure why I’m bothering. I might make a mix of them. I might just let the videos take up space on my hard drive. My life is consequential like that.

That said, as supremely annoying as Gruden is in the booth, I actually enjoy his weekly one-on-one sitdown with a star player that airs immediately before kick-off of MNF. It’s not that these segments are any more illuminating than any other pointless interview between a player and a talking head, but it is amusing to see Gruden completely (maybe too much) at ease with athletes.

I mean, you have to assume there’s some level of comfort given that he coached in NFL for however many years, but Gruden’s is such that he comes off as the affable drunk bachelor uncle who takes you aside at the family outing and asks you uncomfortable questions about your current girlfriend. That might be the only thing missing from these segments.

“What’ll I do, little missy? Ol’ Jerry will tan my hide for sure and no one will ever hire me as a head coach again in this league. That is, aside from Buffalo again in two years. You gotta let me know everything will be okay.”

Between crying jags as the Redskins were going through the final minute of yesterday’s loss to the Lions, Maj caught an amusing name among Fox’s camera crew. At first blush, Buzz Schwing sounds as though it might be a subtly orchestrated prank from someone in the production team, but it just so happens that Mr. Schwing is an actual person with real feelings and endearing crotch thrusts.

In other news, our combined intellectual age is somewhere around 16.

Oh, and did you hear that Donovan McNabb got benched late in the game for the Sex Cannon and that Grossman fumbled for a clinching Lions touchdown? Of course not. You surely rely on a lazy football dick joke blog for all your breaking sports stories. We wanted to do something to mock McNabb for already losing the confidence of yet another head coach, but he already took the liberty of producing his own moutheyes image. That’s veteran moutheye discipline.

There hasn’t been a decent auto-tune remix in, what, three weeks? I’m sure some of you out there are starting to get the shakes, so here’s Andy Reid talking about his quarterback situation with Kevin Kolb and Michael Vick (this was before Vick had the cartilage blasted from his torso. It’s not a five-star effort by any stretch, but it should get you through this rough patch, at least until someone else gets raped in Lincoln Park again.

What game was it this year when Andy Reid came out of the 2-minute warning, then called timeout at the line AND THEN TOOK A DELAY OF GAME before even getting a play out to his team? With game management like that, you could be playing Coy Koi Koy Detmer at quarterback and have similar levels of “success.”

HT: The Wiz Wit.

Well here’s a new picture of Bar Refaeli to make up for that. Fun with PK will be along shortly. [Popoholic via Warming Glow]