Secure yourself a good seat for the divisional round of the playoffs and get comfortable.

The Bill Simmons Rocky II Adam Carolla Award for excellence in bullshittery.

Last week a commenter informed me that my picks were the exact opposite of one Sports Guy, and that was just fine with me. Sure, Simmons is a truly brilliant analytical mind brimming with insights that none of us could ever hope to articulate, and I’m just a dipshit who accounts for quality of cheerleader tits when picking games. Needless to say, we both wound up 2-2 for the weekend, proving once again that anybody who pretends to know what the fuck they’re talking about is filled with more shit than the septic system serving Ben’s Chili Bowl and The Grill Next Door.

Seriously though, I’m shocked that Bill’s quest for an 11-0 postseason fell apart after the first weekend. Nobody could have seen that coming. YOU CANNOT DENY THIS!

On to the picks (and Sexy Friday) after the jump!

Tennessee -3 vs. Baltimore>
I like how everybody forgot that Tennessee is like, good, and shit. Hopefully they still remember how to do it up right. Plus just look at that rack. Are you going to look her tits in the eye and tell her that her boys aren’t good enough to beat a rookie quarterback and a rookie coach by a touchdown? Because I sure as shit am not.

Carolina-10 vs. Arizona
Carolina gets their interior line back and the Buzzsaw must once again travel into the dreaded eastern time zone, this time without Anquan (who apparently is mortal below the neck). What a pussy.

Philadelphia +4 at New York
Again? Fuck. If Andy Reid manages to blow this I’m going to shove a spit up his ass and roast him like a fucking hog. Hopefully I won’t start a grease fire, but you know, shit happens.

Pittsburgh -6 vs. San Diego
Tiny Darren’s cloaking powers are useless against a Silverback. As you may know they hunt their prey by scent rather than site. White people are allowed to call him that, right? I mean I’m not saying he looks like a gorilla, but he looks like the kind of guy that could only be taken down by a diamond powered laser.

Enjoy the weekend, and be sure to follow along with the fun right back here at KSK.