The Jets might be out to jinx themselves with the ol’ “offer championship merch before the title game is even played” routine, but at least their supporters have the right idea to generate success. Considering that Mark Sanchez was caught eating a hot dog on the sidelines when the Jets played the Raiders, you have to know the Conquistador is solidly behind this ploy.

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Once again , another presidential election is upon us and once again both major parties have ignored the most qualified person to serve as Vice-President. America needs Jeff George.

Now, before you dismiss me as someone shilling for a job for an old friend that has been forgotten by everyone except those who despise him with a passion, I have political bona fides galore. At Ball State, I wasn’t just playing O-line and reconfiguring the offense for my coaches. I was quite active on the student government scene. For instance, I talked my boy Duane into running for Student Senate, he lost badly, but I gained an insider’s perspective into the underbelly of government. America, I know politics.

John McCain, like Jeff Garcia, needs an able back-up due to his advancing age. Instead he goes and picks some woman I wouldn’t hire to run a petting zoo. Jeff George is way more qualified than Sarah Palin. Fact: the Fightin’ Illini dress more players than the entire population of Wasilla, Alaska. Look it up. She doesn’t even know what the Bush Doctrine is. Never mind that there is no such thing as the Bush Doctrine, she looked like Charlie Gibson asked her to solve some Chinese algebra.

Proper leadership demands improvisation when circumstances require. Jeff George once left his playbook in back of his El Camino during our junior year, but still improvised well enough to beat Bedford North Lawrence. Let me tell you about the Jeff George Doctrine: everyone goes deep and he airs shit out. Sounds like a strategy that will mend our fractured nation.

On the Democratic side, it vitally important we have a solid VP. You see, Barack Obama grew up without a father in his household; therefore he almost certainly lacks the skills to be President or a quarterback. I realize this may sound harsh, but Americans had been coddling Obama long enough, he needs to needs to be told the truth. In a perfect world, he would take his bling and his posse and settle for a Cabinet position—most likely Housing & Urban development.

With the cool under pressure leadership of Jeff George, we could rest assured knowing that a quality Commander-in-Chief was only a heartbeat away. Plus if George were to be elected, I guaran-damn-tee he will engage in no bojanglin’ whatsoever.

Getdafuck outta Earl’s way.

Larry Johnson tells Whitlock that he may hold out of training camp (or further) if he doesn’t get a new contract. We feel ya, LJ: man’s got to take care of business. But then he has to drag Earl Campbell’s name into the mess.

[L]ook at Earl Campbell. He’s not complaining, but he can barely walk. He’s sitting in wheelchairs. He can’t sit at banquets for a long amount of time before he has to leave. It’s sad to have to watch him go through what he has to go through. You look at me; I don’t want to be like that. But I may end up like him.

If by “like” Earl Campbell, LJ means “in the hall of fame,” there’s not much chance of that happening. In the meantime, if, as they say, Johnson wants Peyton money he better hope the Chiefs have forgotten all about a guy named Priest Holmes.

[Note: also, we are geeked at the prospect of more Big Sexy on Foxsports.com.]