As could be reasonably expected from watching it on TV, Media Day is where 3,000 press whores converge to ask about 20 players from each team the same five questions over the span of two hours. Additionally there are a couple more non-traditional whores and American Idol reps with zany gimmicks on hand to provide mild respite for the frenzied accredited search party engaged in mad pursuit of a halfway compelling sound byte.

Not wanting to spend one of the few times with actual access among the Freeney Ankle Horde, or the Fellatin’ Peyton Brigade, I went off in search of what comedy I could find.

Me: Hey Peter, I’m Mike Tunison with Kissing Suzy Kolber. We’re the ones who do that weekly spoof of your column. You’ve been in touch with Drew Magary about it.
Peter King: Well, I’ve never talked with him.
Me: All right, well, you’ve exchanged e-mails.
PK: Fine.
Me: Anyway, I wanted to know if you’d be willing to do a short video interview for the site. I could ask you some questions about the column. You could even trash us or defend yourself to our readers.
PK: Yeah, you know. I don’t want to be involved with the nonsense you guys do over there.
Me: That’s all right. If you don’t want to, that’s cool.
PK: I’d really rather not.
Me: Okay. Thanks anyway.

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The New England might have missed out on the playoffs, but that just means they’ll have extra time to scout for the 2009 NFL Draft before Scott Pioli bolts town. So which player can you expect to draw the eye of Red Sox Nation? Well let’s just say he’s a former baseball player who played SIX positions before settling in as a receiver for the Rice Owls (former home of one Larry Izzo). Sure James Casey is a 24 year-old sophomore with limited football experience, but by god, look at that white man spin!

He’s like Welkah! mixed with a white Troy Vincent!

With Randy Moss already having been pictured with Miss Kentucky at the Derby, it’s good to see Don Chavez get this photo of Dr. Underneath showing off his pearly sallow whites to the camera.

Come now, Wesley. Leave the fellateface to Pats fans imagination. Simmons may not leave the house for weeks now. You know how nuts he goes for the white guy uvula. Or was that urethra?