Where In the World Is Brett Favre?
Monday, July 14th, 2008
Oh my God! Did you hear the latest news? Brett Favre is MISSING!
Peter King knows something afoul is afoot because Bretty and his agent are no longer responding to the writer’s text-message inquiries. King has issued a full-scale Amber Alert, but those damn policemen don’t seem to be taking him seriously.
That leaves it to us civilians to find our beloved gunslinger. We can’t be sure where he is in the physical sense, but here’s a list of things that might be keeping him from returning King’s texts.
- Searching for the perfect pair of Isotoners
- Mowing his lawn down to the roots
- Celebrating Bastille Day with the rest of the Frenchies
- Rehab at the Hard Rock Hotel
- Actual Rehab
- Planning next season’s retirement party
- Sneaking his bust into Canton, just to see how it will look
- Hiding in Ted Thompson’s bushes waiting to pounce
- Posing near benches
- Fucking a block of cheese in the back of a VW Bug
- Actually underground (in a hole with “Fragile” Frankie Merman)
