Oh, people, this one was tight. Tighter than Andrea Kremer’s electric blue leather corset, I tell you. It was a two-horse race for the 2009 Least of the Year, and the eventual “winner” got first place by a mere 22 votes. People, I give you your Least of the Year… JaMeatball Russell.

nfl-draft-party-fat-joe-jamarcus-russell

(In case you were confused, that’s JaMarcus in the center. No, wait. On the right. Sorry, I just always assume he’s the fat one in any photo.)

JaMarcus was going to pick up his award, but saw an IHOP on the way over and decided to stay there for the next seven years. I wonder if the Raiders should just stop drafting people with the last name Russell. That seems to never work out in their favor. I look forward to JaMarcus being arrested on drug and sexual assault charges three years from now. But don’t worry. JaMarcus promises to cook you dinner tonight, then give you salmonella poisoning, then get fired by you, then get grudgingly called back by you after all of your replacement chefs go down with freakish injuries. Let’s break down the voting… HEISMAN STYLE!

As you can see, Jay Cutler owns the Midwest, while people from both coasts were happy to recognize JaMarcus’ breathtaking incompetence. But what’s with Wyoming? WHY YOU GUYS BE HATIN’ ON LADAINIAN? I never knew Cheyenne was Charger country.