Historically, men have loved tits. Why were women so much bigger in the Renaissance? Because bigger girls had bigger tits. Well, that and feudalism. As just as Europe’s economy changed over time, so has ours. And as retailers look for lessened Christmas spending for the umpteenth year, the size of preferable breasts has been rolled back as well. Anything more than a handful goes to waste, we believe, but usually our hands are just happy to be squeezing something other than our own dicks.

But how great are breasts? Have they always been appreciated historically? People obviously fucked during the biblical times, right? Otherwise, we would have run out of people. But how did they feel about gozongas? Is there some sort of easily-accessible book that could give us some clarity to this? Maybe there’s one in the bureau drawer in your hotel room… 

According to biblegateway.com, the word breast appears in the Holy Bible 70 times. Conversely, the keyword search engine for the good book turned up zero hits for titties, funbag, jugs, and brrrrritzky! We don’t have to wonder what those assholes did to get off back in the day. It’s documented for us! Sort of…

“Consecrate those parts of the ordination ram [Ed's Note: Back then, "ram" was slang for a chick that was totally bangin'] that belong to Aaron and his sons: the breast that was waved and the thigh that was presented.  –Exodus 29:27

So basically, women were property of the men, and then the woman walked into the room, took off all her clothes, and then jumped up and down on a trampoline. You know, one of those old, Hebrew trampolines. Read the rest of this entry »

The Friday Cheerleader Post