New England’s WES FAHKIN’ WELKAH! recently contributed some of his legendary travel advice to the website The Daily Beast’s Buzz Board, a place for smart people’s recommendations. So what hint did Welker have for readers in these penny-pinching times?

If you are visiting Boston I would highly recommend staying at the Four Seasons. It is right by the park in a central location, and has all the bells and whistles with a very accommodating staff.

That’s right folks, run, don’t walk, to the Four Seasons, where for just $550 you can stay in room with one of the famed garden views! Continue after the jump for other tips from Wes Welker to you, the smart traveler.

- If you’re heading to New York for a quick weekend jaunt make a point to stop by Per Se. They make a pretty decent dinner, and the service was attentive.

- If you’re anything like me you absolutely cannot stand flying commercial. Well guess what, you don’t have to! Lots of companies will let you rent private jets whether you’re flying to Nantucket or Nice.

- Want to save yourself the hassle of hauling around unwieldy luggage during your next trip? Just leave for that vacation empty handed and buy a brand new wardrobe when you arrive. And if you don’t feel like schlepping it back home with you, simply set it on fire.

Thanks, Wes!

Well, well, well! Hee-ah we ahhh, at the end of the season, and that faggot Rawjah Goodell has some serious facking explaining to do to the TAWMSTAH! To think, these amazing Paytree-uts AND THE DIEHAHHHD FANS OF CELTIC NATION could get fackin’ shut out of the fackin’ playawffs even if they win 11 games. WHAT THE FACK?!

THE FACKIN’ NAWT FAY-UH LEAGUE STRIKES AGAIN!

(tucks entire pack of Red Man in left cheek)

I have wawtched this team from the very beginning of Week 10, commisionah! And let me tell you something, yah fackin’ CAWKLICKAH! You will nawt find a more-ah gritty, gutty, GRUTTY team! NO ONE DENIES THIS! How can you deny this scrappy, scruffy, scraffy awganization they-ah rightful due with a playawff spawt? THIS IS A FACKIN’ CRIME WARSE THAN ANY CRIME COMMITTED BY ANY DAHHHKIE EVAH!

(flexes triceps for no reason)

LOOK AT THESE FACKIN’ TRIS! MY FACKIN’ GARLFRIEND WAHHHSHIPS THESE!

The Pats have earned they-ah way into these playawffs! You tell me anothah team that could suhvive the lawss of Tawmmy Brady – ONLY THE GREATEST QB IN FACKIN’ HISTORY, YOU FACKIN’ DICKSIPPAH! – and still beat underrated opponents like the Raidahs, and the Cahhhhdinals, and the Rams! NO OTHAH TEAM IN THE FACKIN’ LEAGUE IS IN THEY-AH STRATOSFEE-AH!!!

When I think of awl that we, the legendary fans of Celtic Nation, have had to suffah through this yee-ah, I am flabbahghasted! NO OTHAH FANBASE COULD SURVIVE THIS! THAT’S A FACT! You think back to Septembah. Only these GREAT BEANTOWN fans could lift a team like this to whey-ah they-ah ahhh now. In any othah town, this team goes 5-11. It took all my rooting powah just to get them to this point. It has drained awl my fackin’ enahgy! So much so that I cannot tawnt my buddy JackZ about the Sabathia signing as much as I would like! HA HA YOU NEW YARK FAGGOTS SIGNED A FACKIN’ FATASS PITCHAH! WE TOTALLY DIDN’T WAWNT HIM! THEO EPSTEIN IS THE SMAHTEST MAN IN AMERICA! NO ONE DENIES THIS!

(chokes dog)

I’ll tell you what this fackin’ is. It is yet anothah conspiracy by the nawt fay-uh league! They go out of they-ah way to make life as easy as pawssible far thah Dolphins, Jets, Bills, Titans, Steelahs, Browns, Bengals, Ravens, Colts, Jagwahhs, Texans, Raidahhs, Chiefs, Chahhhjahhs, Brawncos, Vikings, Bay-uhs, Packahhs, Lions, Giants, Eagles, Cowboys, Redskins, Rams, Cahhdinals, Seahawwwwks, Farty Ninahs, Bucs, Falcons, Saints, and Panthahhhhhhs!!!! IT’S SO TRANSPARENT! THEY AHHH FAVAHHING AWL THE OTHAH TEAMS!

(twirls around defensive lacrosse stick)

WAWTCH ME CRADLE!

I know why this is. The League knows that, if the Pats gawt in, they would clee-ahly run the table. Who would they play in Round 1? Those faggots from Denvah? Easy win! Then they go to Tennessee? THAT TEAM IS NAWT PREPAY-UHED TO HANDLE A BELICHICK D IN THE PLAYAWFFS! EVERYONE KNOWS THIS!

Then they get Pittsburgh? I feel like they could win that game by at least farty points! The league knows this. That is why they arranged the playawff system like this all those yee-ahs ago! SPECIFICALLY TO SHUT US OUT THIS YEE-AH! And that’s why they sent Ryan Clahhhk to cheap shawt my beloved WELKAHHH! Liitle do they know he’s MADE OF STEEL! YOU CAN’T HURT THE UNHURTABLE!

He’s as hahhhd as the streets I wawk on! THAT WAS A DIRTY HIT! WES EASED UP BEFORE-AH THE WHISTLE BLEW AND DIDN’T KEEP HIS HEAD UP! THAT MEANS HE GETS SPECIAL PROTECTION! Did you see him make that snow angel yestahday? It gawt me all choked up! WE MUST PROTECT THE INNOCENT!

(urinates on nearby car)

This playawff system needs to be fixed! You know a playawff is facked when the Colts get in and the Pats don’t! That Colts team is lucky to be 11-4! They ahhh only 27 plays away from being 0-15! It’s so obvious to anyone who knows footbawll! THEY SACK! Only the Pats don’t need luck to win. Everyone else only wins because it’s a fluke! Like the Giants last yee-ah! That Tyree catch was pure luck! Extending yar bawdy to catch the bawl, and then secure it against yar helmet while absorbing a blow from the defendah? THAT’S THE VERY DEFINITION OF LUCKY!

It’s clee-uh what has to happen hee-ah. The playawff system must be rejiggahed! BECAUSE RIGHT NOW IT IS JIGGAHED! Farst awff, no mar Colts in the playawffs. EVAH! Secondly, the entrants should be determined by a Blue Ribbon council headed by myself, TAWMMY FROM QUINZEE, along with various Bawston people who KNOW WAY MAR ABOUT SPARTS THAN YOU DO! FAGGOT! Like thah Chahhjahhs could evah beat the Pats! What a joke!

(pulls sink out of wall)

That way, we can avoid a season as tainted as this one. If the Pats do nawt make the playawffs, it’ll be the greatest injustice of ow-uh time! That Super Bowl winnah will nawt be legit! NO ONE WANTS THIS TO HAPPEN! FACK YOU, YOU FACKIN’ TEABAGGAHS!

Ryan: Phew! Thank God the NFL didn’t fine me for that hit last week. It’s nice to see cooler heads prevail at the league office, and that they realize now there’s a difference between playing hard and playing dirty. I’m just gonna keep on playing the way I play.

(doorbell rings)

Hmm. That’s funny. I don’t remember ordering takeout or anything like that.

(unlatches door)

Who’s there?

(door flies open)

Tommy: WHO THAH FACK DO YOU THINK YOU AHHHH, CLAHHHHK? HOW DAY-UH YOU FACKIN’ TRY AND TAKE OUT ONE OF THE LEAGUE’S MAHHHHHHQUEE PLAYAHS, YOU FACKIN’ CAWKPOUCH! I’LL FACKIN’ KILL YOU!

Ryan: Who are you?

Tommy: Your warst fackin’ nightmay-uhhh! You think you can just take a cheap shawt at Welkahhh and nawt get the fackin’ wrath of the legendary Beantown faithful raining down on yar fat fackin’ head? YOU GAWT QUESTIONS TO ANSWER, YOU FACKIN’ DAHHKIE!!!

Ryan: What’s a dockey?

Tommy: IT’S YOU, YOU FACK! Did you really think you could get away with this? Typical dahhkie. ALWAYS SLAWPPY WITH THEY-UH HANDIWARK! Once again, thah NFL has screwed us ovah by nawt suspending you farevah! Nawt only have you robbed us of a true Bawston hero, but you have rawbbed the entiah NFL as well. No one wawnts to wawtch games that don’t feetcha Tawm Brady or-ah Wes Welkahhh! THOSE AH THE NFL’S TWO BRIGHTEST SHINING STAHHHHHS! NO ONE DENIES THIS!

Ryan: Hey, I play clean.

Tommy: No, you don’t! Yar dirty! AS DIRTY AS YAR DAHHHHK SKIN! You bettah wawatch out when you come to Quinzee, you fack!

Ryan: Why would I go to Quincy?

Tommy: BECAUSE QUINZEE RAWKS! I have vented my outrage at this harrible tragedy online with my Beantown bruthahs! Look!

This is exactly what I said would happen!!!! The lying pig Peirira says the same thing when the DB dove at Brady’s knee,if this was a Colt being injured or one of the Mannings holy hell would have broken out!!!! Two sets of standards…The next time the NFL fines or suspends a Patriot know this its a conspiracy!!!!

What a big frigging surprise that the NFL defended that hit…Did we think it would actually go AGAINST an opponent..? What a joke the NFL has become. And you, Borges are an even bigger joke. What was your point in bringing up Clark’s past surgery…? Were you trying to evoke sympathy for the guy..??? Give me a break. That hit on Welker was DIRTY…That kid is lucky that he was able to even move or return to a standing position after that. Thank God that he did. Talk about a kid made of steel ~ that’s our Wes Welker. Light was ejected from a game and fined ~ that punk Clark walks away with no punishment at all. Right ~ uh, huh. That’s fair. Next time the Pats play Pittsburgh, they should make some time for retribution on the field on Welker’s behalf. GO PATS…!

Tommy: You heeyah that? Thah NAWT FAY-UH LEAGUE! It’s true! If the league didn’t have it in far us, WE WOULD HAVE WON AT LEAST FARTY THREE SUPER BOWLS! THOSE NEW YARK FAGGOTS WOULDN’T HAVE WON JACK SHIT!

Ryan: I’d like you to leave.

Tommy: FACK YOU! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY BOY BUG-O!

THIS IS HOW A HAHHHHHT BREAKS!

Ryan: Again, please leave before I call the police.

Tommy: This isn’t ovah, dahhhkie! Everyone knows yar win was TAINTED! BY THE NAWT FAY-UH LEAGUE! And if you don’t think thah great fans of Bawston won’t make you pay, then you don’t know just how strawng ow-uh rooting powuh is! WE WIN THIS TOWN TITLES, YOU FACK! NO ONE DENIES THIS!

You should be suspended! And lynched! My buddy Buttah in Bangah knows how to do it! DON’T THINK WE WON’T COME GET YOU!

Ryan: (closes door) Good bye.

Tommy: This isn’t ovah!!!!!!!