It’s no wonder the Patriots have had to make do with guys like Randall Gay in the secondary the last few years. As soon as you wave some money in front of one of them, they chase it like a pack of dogs. Really makes you think about their culture. Asante, we’re glad to be rid of him. Receiver would’ve caught that Eli pass on the final drive.

Sometimes when I’m guttily charging through secondaries, I find myself taken aback with the conditions these people choose to play in. Players lazily strewn about. Little sense of cohesion. Defensive calls that don’t even sound like English to me. It’s all me, me, me. Have they no self-respect? It’s just so, so typical. I just pray my daughter doesn’t bring one home someday.

After the game, I head over into their side of the locker room, always making sure to remove my valuables first, and I hear them playing their jungle cornerback music. Rhythm is offensive to the ear. I caught Randy listening to some of it once and diced him with my pen knife. Over in the offense’s corner, we set the bass maximum at “Silverchair”. We keep things orderly, never speaking out of turn.

There are some find, upstanding exceptions. The “model secondary”. That John Lynch, for example. Did a great job in leading the Buccaneers to that Super Bowl. Hard-hitting. Straight shooter. Why can’t they follow his example? Instead they call him a shun him and call him a traitor to his kind. Because he works hard? These are a people I will never understand.

And don’t get me started on the blacks!

Larry Izzo hosts a karaoke event dubbed “Larryoke” and his Patriot teammates turned out in en masse. Since it’s for a good cause, we probably shouldn’t mock Wes Welker and the rest of the 18-1 choke brigade over this. But then Kyle Eckel has to go and do something like this…

To truly appreciate the hilarity, you have to view the entire photostream. No Brady, but not surprisingly, Matt Cassel is a capable substitute.

[ via: Busted Coverage ]

UPDATE: Commenter jm comes through with video goodness:

With Randy Moss already having been pictured with Miss Kentucky at the Derby, it’s good to see Don Chavez get this photo of Dr. Underneath showing off his pearly sallow whites to the camera.

Come now, Wesley. Leave the fellateface to Pats fans imagination. Simmons may not leave the house for weeks now. You know how nuts he goes for the white guy uvula. Or was that urethra?