Reader John R. sends in this clip of an eagle taking down Bambi. I knew we picked the eagle as our national bird for a good reason. That’ll learn you to nibble on my flowerbed, you fucking doe.

I watched the National Geographic show “Galapagos” the other night. If you’re familiar with this site, you already know about my affinity for animal-on-animal bloodshed. Well, this special provided a doozy. It’s a hawk, killing an iguana by grabbing it and pressing its head INTO THE SCORCHING FUCKING EARTH. Fucking awesome. The Galapagos hawk, if you didn’t know, is at the top of the island’s food chain. It has no known worthy adversary in its ecosystem. Know what that means? That means it has carte blanche to fucking kill at will. Bad. Ass.

When I die, I’m coming back as a hawk. And I’m parking my ass right outside Cameron Diaz’s house.