There are some alterations afoot with the KSK commenting system and live blogs. As is this is a fairly cut-and-dry housecleaning post devoid of dick jokes and full of scary change, we’ll leave all the sordid details after the jump.

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We here at KSK recently conducted a bit of audience research, which garnered a host of helpful suggestions, such as “please, more hardcore porn links in the live blog”, “how about a Gerald Sensabaugh KSKharacter?”, “wouldn’t it be awesome if Drew got time travel powers?” and “you should win stuff by reading”.

We laughed uproariously at all of them. Just horrible, horrible ideas. But then our Uproxx overlords said we need to do something to promote the new commenting system that has been implemented on the network, which includes lofty-nifty features like sign-up using Facebook or Twitter, universal log-in on any Uproxx site and user profiles with clickable avatars. Coming soon, we’ll have direct messaging capability between commenters, threaded comment replying and even badges and awards for great commenting that Otto Man will probably win on a weekly basis.

Anyway, we meekly acceded to our overlords’ demands as we were being whipped back into the blog mines. In a related development: It now turns out you will be able to win things by reading! And not just a copy of whichever book one of us is hawking at that particular moment. Something you actually want!

So here’s the deal: We’re giving out a $250 Amazon gift card to a registered reader who submits the best caption in the comments for the image included after the jump. For further reference, see the similar contests going on at the Uproxx flagship site and at Gammasquad.

MORE RULES

- UPROXX network employees and contributors are prohibited from winning. Rule is also arbitrarily expanded to include Josh Zerkle. And we won’t allow Unsilent to rig this one for Sarah Schorno.

- You have until 7 p.m. Sunday to claim your prize. If you’ve won, you’ll be notified by email on Friday October 14, 2011. The winner then has until the end of the late games Sunday to reply to the email notification. If a winner doesn’t respond by that time, another will be chosen.

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You’ll notice that this is neither the Friday Five nor Sexy Friday. We got rid of Sexy Friday because too many people bitched about it not being posted by the time they wanted it to be posted, and when we posted it other people would bitch about whichever image of an attractive woman not being sexy enough. So we replaced it with the Friday Five, which has led to three weeks of bitching about there not being a Sexy Friday, without any kind of realization that that’s the exact kind of behavior we delight in punishing.

This is symptomatic of a larger trend. In general, the quality of the comments at KSK has declined dramatically over the last year or so, so let’s get some things straight.

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Here’s one last reminder to sign up for the KSK Suicide Pools.

Oh, and commenter “12-Pack-Abs” has graciously offered to put up a $50 gift card for the survivor of the KSKSP, which I find totally awesome and quite stunning. And just so I don’t look like a total tightass, I’m going to match it.

So the winner of this little clambake is going to have an extra C-note to his or her credit come January. Why the fuck haven’t you signed up yet?

Inumerable thanks to the cadre of commenters that volunteered to set up these pools for our contest. You, faithful reader, can register in any of these pools to be eligible for the KSK Suicide Pool contest. The winner will get a copy of my upcoming pamphlet, currently untitled, to be released in early 2009. And maybe some other shit.

Pick a group below to join, go here, and sign up. Those running the pools: feel free to identify your pool in the comments (sorry I didn’t do it myself). We’ll add pools to the board as more are created and pull off the ones that fill up to 50. Don’t cry about how you can’t get into a pool. These pools aren’t lifeboats on the Titanic; we’re maxing out all of them. Keep looking.

As for the rest of you, DO NOT sign up for more than one group. If you prove to be as dumb as the people we kicked out last year for this, I will find out where you live and drop a brown baby boy on your coffee table, or nearest furniture equivalent. I WILL FIND YOU. You know, time permitting.

Good luck to everyone, and don’t forget to pick a team fore Week 1 when you sign up. Read the rest of this entry »

We’re looking for people to help us run the suicide pools for this year. Yes, we’re having them.

For us to consider you helpful, you must be willing to set up a Yahoo! pool for us to direct our commenters to sign up, and mail in updates of that pool every three weeks. If you are interested in helping out, send an email to me at mondaymorningpunter <at> gmail.com with the phrase SUICIDE POOL in your subject line. I need to hear from you today. Thanks.

UPDATE: If you’re wondering if we still need people, yes, we still need people. Thanks a ton to those that have already volunteered. Your service is crucial to our efforts.

Allow Me to Retort’s submission in our Manning-to-Tyree-play naming contest was the overwhelming winner. So enamored are we of The Giant Snatch that we’re dedicating this post to its coinage, hopefully prompting the name to gain cultural currency or at least a high placement on Google.

Alright people, it doesn’t get any easier than this. Let’s hear your best captions in the comments.

UPDATE: We’ve opened a late group for the KSK Suicide Pool. Same link, ID#: 27548, pw(latelate). If you’re already in a group, stay the fuck out or I will hunt you down and fill your asshole with sharpened pencils. -MMP

Thus far, the first annual KsK Kares Charity Drive for Fisher House has raised over $500 for disabled veterans and their families. You can donate directly to FH here.

For the most part, we love pouring our every fiber into this blog. However, ever and anon, you commenters drive us up the fucking wall, be you taking the same pick in a draft eight times, missing the point of jokes, turning Deadspin into a banal chat room or just engaging into general dipshittery.

Surely our pain is one felt by forum boards the internet round, as a filmmaker over at College Humor has captured all these maddening commenter proclivities in one amazing skit.

Let me save you the effort: FIRST!!!!

UPDATE (9/6): This is the latest group. ID#: 27548, pw(latelate). Remember, one entry per person. Thanks for playing.

A quick announcement:

KSK will be running a suicide pool for the 2007 season. If you’re interested, we’d like you to get in on it. Here’s the information:

Click here.

Here’s our Group ID# (1510) and the Password (gargargargar).

If you’ve never done a NFL suicide pool before, you pick one team per week. If your team wins, you advance to the next week. If your team loses, stick a fork in your ass, because you’re done. Oh, and you can only pick a team to win once. That bit is crucial.

This particular group only holds 50 people. Once it fills up, we’ll open another group, and so on, until everyone that wants to get in, gets in. There’s plenty of room on this crazy train, but, for fuck’s sake, one entry to a person. We will post a comprehensive leaderboard of the survivors when the pack gets whittled down to 30.

We will do something special for anyone that survives the entire season. We don’t know what that will be yet, so don’t ask. The updates for new groups will be made in this space, so check back if you don’t get into the first group.

UPDATE: Group 2 is up. Same link, ID#: 3858, pw(jeangray). Sorry that took so long; I just woke up.

UPDATE: Group 3 is up now, too. Same link, ID#: 3877, pw(majofhonor).

UPDATE: Group 4 is up. Same link, ID#: 3920, pw(donthasseltheuf).

UPDATE: Group V is up. Same link, ID#: 3939, pw(daddydrewblood).

UPDATE: Group 6 is up. Same link, ID#: 3975, pw(falcocrest).

UPDATE: Group 7 is up. Same link, ID#: 4023, pw(ifuckmules).

UPDATE: Group 8 is up. Same link, ID#: 4028, pw(scottvanpelt).

UPDATE: Group 9 is up. Same link, ID#: 4033, pw(tblmovienight).

UPDATE: Congratulations to Kels, who just got his ass banned for signing up for more than one pool. It takes skill to finish dead last before the contest even starts. ONE ENTRY PER PERSON. If you put in two entries, I will find your cheating ass. So don’t bother.

UPDATE: Group X is up. Same link, ID#: 4198, pw(urmomcame4me).

UPDATE: Group 11 is up. Same link, ID#: 4620, pw(killkillkill).

UPDATE: Group 12 is up. Same link, ID#: 5107, pw(kelscheated).

UPDATE: Another Group 12. Same link, ID#: 5105, pw(jugsandred).

UPDATE: Group 14. Same link, ID#: 6543, pw(apecanttype). If you’re already in one of the other 13 groups and you join this group, I will come to your house and sew your genitals to your face.

UPDATE: Group 15. Same link, ID#: 8780, pw(shanofftimer). If you are in more than one group my friends and I will shit in your car.

UPDATE: Group 16. Same link, ID#: 27548, pw(latelate). If you are in more than one group my friends and I will come to your house and tear your wife in half.