Yee-Haw! Good golly jee-willickers! Holy Moly! Dad gummit! D’yoo see that, maw! I gots me a new trofee for da shed out back! Man, I was going so gotdang fast, I was hotter than a pidgeon covered in molasses on a Tuesday morning! Whoo-wee!

I gonna git me some money now, buy Jim Bob Junior that second pair of blue jeans he’s always wanted. An’ me and my girl ken finally get hitched. We won’t even be cousins anymore! This is so dang great! I’m the grand champeen of racin’!

What yew say? This only the firrst race o’ the year? Sheeit.