0:01 I always wonder how they choose which ESPN personality will get the privilege of appearing in these movies. I bet Berman demanded right of first refusal in his last contract. Regardless, this serves as Levy’s magnum opus following appearances in Fever Pitch, The Ringer, and The Game Plan.

0:05 JACOB!1!

0:10 Why is he still wearing that shirt?

0:16 Gun show.

0:22 Oh, to be an apple.

0:25 In the original Kevin Costner goes to Fenway where the voice tells him to “go the distance.” In the sequel Taylor Lautner goes to Gillette and gets called a cocksucker.

0:36 Hey, it’s already looking nicer than Soldier Field.

0:58 HAHAHA! A dirty hit from Ray Lewis. Those never get old.

1:02 Ray Lewis is not a ghost, but he has been haunted by one for over a decade.

1:28 A tractor in the middle of the field and AC/DC’s T.N.T.? Somebody get Marshall Faulk his SAG card, because this just became a real movie.

1:30 HAHAHA! A dirty hit from Ray Lewis. Those never get old.

1:36 Because grape soda would have been racist.

1:44 HAHAHA! A dirty hit from Ray Lewis. Those never get old.

2:15 The ref fell asleep. Just like a real Ravens game.

2:23 Your wife is now pregnant with Antonio Cromartie’s baby. He kindly requests that you raise it as your own.

2:30 This is exactly how I will find out about–and react to–the end of the lockout.

2:36 Plant corn?

2:49 [Googles "Marielle Jaffe naked" just in case... no dice]

There hasn’t been a decent auto-tune remix in, what, three weeks? I’m sure some of you out there are starting to get the shakes, so here’s Andy Reid talking about his quarterback situation with Kevin Kolb and Michael Vick (this was before Vick had the cartilage blasted from his torso. It’s not a five-star effort by any stretch, but it should get you through this rough patch, at least until someone else gets raped in Lincoln Park again.

What game was it this year when Andy Reid came out of the 2-minute warning, then called timeout at the line AND THEN TOOK A DELAY OF GAME before even getting a play out to his team? With game management like that, you could be playing Coy Koi Koy Detmer at quarterback and have similar levels of “success.”

HT: The Wiz Wit.

Funny Or Die does indeed bring the funny this morning with the Head Trauma Fantasy Football Draft. If only the filmmakers ponied up the extra money on bringing in Trent Green, Tedy Bruschi, Ted Johnson, Steve Young and Troy Polamalu, it would be that much better. And where’re the Pixies on the soundtrack? My feeble mind needs pleasing sounds to go with the comedy!

If an angry photographer ever puts Stevie Williams in a coma Tiger can get one of those guys to carry his bag for a while. In the meantime they’ll be waiting for Jeff Pearlman’s new book to come out on tape.

Video via Orland Kurtenblog

Clearly he’s trying to endear himself to the Simpson ladies. That performance showed the vocal range we’d expect from Jessica and all of the uncomfortable moments that make Ashley’s performances so special.

Harry Caray’s corpse has more charisma as of late.

video courtesy of Bugs and Cranks

KSK Reader Travis, via NFL.com, brings us Mike Rucker’s video of the Afghanistan trip taken by, among others, Peter King.

The fun starts at the 3:15 mark. I’m still not sure how they wound up taking that particular group. If they took Tank Johnson over there, the war would have been over by now.

All history should be taught like this. It’s good learnin’. Big ups to Texasfanhouse for this video. It’s most excellent. Ufford only wishes it included Miss Gossip somewhere so that he could masturbate to it.