It’s New Year’s Day and there isn’t a single bowl game being played. Weird. So if you were hoping to roll out of bed and watch a totally meaningless exhibition you’ll have to settle for the Redskins and Eagles. If it makes you feel better, just think of it as the Shitrus Bowl. Some of today’s games are worth a damn, however. Click here for all of the possible playoff scenarios, or just scroll down for our now exclusive THREE star rating system. Those Michelin frogs stole it from us.

Detroit at Green Bay ★
Tennessee at Houston ★
Indianapolis at Jacksonville ZERO DAMN STARS
New York Jets at Miami ★
Chicago at Minnesota ZERO DAMN STARS
Buffalo at New England ★
Carolina at New Orleans ★★
Washington at Philadelphia ★
San Francisco at St. Louis ★

GET EXCITED, PEOPLE!

Ugh, the last week of regular season football. Fantasy seasons are over, most of the games don’t matter, and even the games that are supposed to matter don’t really matter. I mean, do any neutral fans really really give a damn who wins the NFC East? Of course not. But as pointless as this week may seem, I would probably give my left nut to watch a meaningless Redskins/Eagles game this summer.

One thing I wouldn’t give a piece of my body for is this leather six-pack holder (via Uncrate, of course). You have to be a special kind of douchebag to spend $65 bucks on this kind of thing.

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When we last left NBC shill, Peter King, things were really getting interesting in Tebowland.

So what about this week? Will Peter have any cost-prohibitive wine recommendations? How many Pro Bowl free agents will it take to make the Rams a good coaching destination? Who has Peter underrated this week? The answers might shock you. READ ON.

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It’s probably going to be a bit slow this week, but we aren’t abandoning you completely. We will be back with more later, including a live blog for tonight’s promising Monday Night Football game.

We’ll be back tomorrow…with football! In the meantime, here’s Alison Brie’s rendition of Santa Baby. Always a good time.

You probably can’t read the tag on that bear’s paw, but it says £1900. That’s about $3000 in non-Harry Potter money for an over-sized version of the famed Harrods bear, making it the perfect Unnecessary Purchase for Christmas time (even though it’s owned by those World Cup thieving Qataris).

My wife dragged me through Harrods during an extended layover in London earlier this year, and let me say, that place is the worst. Every department is more depressing than the last. But if you want to feel really shitty about the world, head right for the children’s departments. Whether its $1100 for a three year-old’s dress or $5600 for a toy pedal car, it’s enough to make you want to occupy something. So if you’re ever in London, stay the hell away from this place. Except for the food court. Because holy sh*t, the food court, you guys!

Last week: 8-7-1
Overall: 103-108-4

One step closer to .500!

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I’m going to make this very simple. The Houston Texans must lay down for the Indianapolis Colts tonight. They’ve already clinched the division, so the best thing they can do is to totally ruin Indy’s sh*t. A second win would bring the Rams (Minnesota’s strength of schedule is probably too high for them to have a shot) in to the mix for Andrew Luck.

What would you rather have, an outside shot at home field advantage, or an outside chance to ruin your division rival’s chance of landing the next Peyton Manning? Granted, it’s a longshot, but it’s not like there are many other reasons to watch. Unless of course your fantasy team is still in contention, in which case, screw you.

So come on, TJ Yates. Get that arm loose and spray the ball all over the damn place.

Without question my favorite of the bunch. Brian adds, “We’ve been doing this all wrong. This Mr. Suh is okay! He’s a Husker, he’s in New York– we get this guy laid, we won’t have any trouble!”

Winner.

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