The less they cover they by, the more exciting it is.

Dear AFC South,

Get fucked by the Washington Monument. Houston, I knew you’d fucking suck, but the one week you don’t suck I turn around and you stick it in me dry. Speaking of which, how about those fuckheads in Jacksonville. You assholes let the Texans cover? The FUCKING Texans! Indy is coming off of a bye, but before that they were blowing a cover, and a “win”, against Jacksonville. It’s an endless cycle of suck that can only be saved by one thing.

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Ext. Cowboys Practice Facility

Tony: …I’ve never even been to Mount Vesuvius!

[cellphone rings]

Tony: You got Romo!

Terrell: This isn’t working.

Tony: Hello? What isn’t working? Who is this?

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Many people scoff at the idea that God can control the outcome of sporting events, or that He even cares. But those people are wrong. God does control the games, AND He cares a great deal. Today, He explains why He let the outcomes of Week 4 in the NFL happen as they did.

First of all, happy new year to all of my chosen people out there! Except for that one fucking yid. You know, the blowhard asshole on ESPN who is always making up crappy nicknames. Oh come on, you know the guy I’m talking about. Big fat lump of shit that’s always laughing at his own jokes, even though his shtick got old around the time those no good fuckers started penning that “new” testament. Me damn it, what the fuck is that asshole’s name?

Anyway, let’s move on to the other stories I’ve helped influence over the past week after the jump. Why the jump? BECAUSE IT IS MY WILL!

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I’m not one of those reactionary Redskins fans, or one to go over the top in my reaction to a big win, but I think it’s about time we gas up the bandwagon and plan the trip to Tampa Bay. Continue after the jump for a clinical and reserved analysis of what we learned in yesterday’s win of the millennium at Dallas Stadium.

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I hope you assholes know how lucky you are. While you’re sitting there enjoying this sexy Friday I’m conducting inventory in a 100,000 square foot warehouse from the crack of dawn until I bludgeon myself to death with a clipboard.

Oh, and if you’re not into Bengal fans sporting fake grills or Eagle fans flexing/buffalo stancing/attempting to fart continue after the jump for additional sexiness.

Anyway, on to the picks!

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Did the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders travel to Green Bay with the team?

No?

Fuck this, the Emmy’s are on!

…or not…So who’s up for some more fucking football?!

Hey brah, I’m not wearin’ a bra, brah!

Welcome to another week of Always Be Covering, the blogosphere’s premier source for retarded gambling advice. While the bets we make won’t always play out the way we envision, it certainly does make things interesting to see them blow up every week (I really did bet on that Thigpen guy…twice). What’s the alternative, dumping all of your money into one of those fancy financial stocks? That’s all well and good, but then every Sunday all you get to do is cheer for all the teams to play well. You pathetic piece of shit. Just sack up and make some foolhardy wagers based upon those of a blogger under the influence of various substances.

On to the picks!
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