It’s moments like these that make using Twitter and blogging as a whole enjoyable. Doing the fake Philip Rivers Twitter feed is usually worth a chuckle and watching the steady uptick of followers is nice, but the real joy comes when despite all the perfectly obvious signs to the contrary, someone believes it’s actually Marmalard typing away his obscenity-laced ruminations. So God bless you, Eric Winter. All five entries on this teenager’s Twitter feed consists of actual trash talk to who he believes is Philip Rivers. Now, it could be that he’s that savvy and subtly playing into the joke or just really, truly dim. I’m inclined to believe the latter.

Lots of people complain that Twitter is a pointless waste of time.  And while that criticism is valid if you follow people who do nothing but re-tweet, I struggle to find a better source of wonder and wisdom than Martellus Bennett’s Twitter feed.  (To wit: “A man cannot send another man a smiley face n a txt message WTF”  So true, Marty.  So true.)

In case you don’t follow the flood of tweets from Marty B, yesterday he broke down his racial heritage.  It’s math-tastic:

I’m 1/4 Indian (my pocohontas skin tone gives that away) Im 4/8 Negro the way i say four gives it away (fo)1/6 pappadeaux 2/3 cowboy 1/19 11:51 AM Apr 29th from TwitterFon

Animal (part liger) 2/20 transformer and 7/35 blue bonnett Texas babamy. Wat r u 11:52 AM Apr 29th from TwitterFon

Oh and I’m 3/47 alien ET my 1st cousin 11:54 AM Apr 29th from TwitterFon

Jus found out I’m 1/80 Aggie thanks E. King Gill LOL I think that’s his name. He’s the reason for the whole 12th man tradition. 12:00 PM Apr 29th from TwitterFon

So, for anyone keeping count, Martellus Bennett is approximately 1.86 people.  Give or take.  And frankly, that sounds about right.

Twitter is a hot white piece of Internet ephemera, one that in less than two year’s time we’ll look back at and snicker that we ever bothered with it in the first place, like Am I Hot or Not? or Kissing Suzy Kolber. But for the time being, it’s a limitless wellspring of comedic possibilities. And so we present recent a snapshot taken from Terrell Owen’s feed, discovered in the Farkian badlands by the inimitable LSUFreek. No doubt Drew Rosenhaus’ feed is “Next question” over and over again. One-note jokes are good like that.

/awaiting iTwitter shirts