All right, boys. I think we all knew this day would come sooner or even sooner than that. But daddy’s going away for a long, long time. And not like going away for cigarettes long time, ’cause I already tried that and that private investigator your moms hired done found me. I’m getting locked up. Don’t worry, I’ll get Michael Vick’s autograph for you.

I need you to look after your brother. You look after your brother. You look after…yep, that’s right, brother. And you. Can you pull double duty and look after two of your brothers? Good to hear. That’s my boy. You all were gonna make fine junior lieutenants in the Travis Henry Cocaine Empire. Guess you kids are gonna have to form some kind of co-op. Give Matt Jones a call. He’ll pay high for cheap product.

Don’t none y’all start no shit with Willis McGahee’s kids. They got problems of they own. Got a daddy who can’t see shit and only got three illegitimate kids of his own. Lightweight.

Maybe you could get a start on my legal defense fund. You could concentrate your efforts on all being those annoying kids with pamphlets trying to raise money outside the grocery store. The ones no one believes are actually raising funds for shit.

Anyway, I know this is the most parenting I’ve done in y’all’s lives, but I’m gonna do my time and get out so I can get you guys some more lieutenants. Stay strong.