Last November, the Pittsburgh Steelers rolled into Raljon with thousands of Terrible Towel waving fans in tow and kicked the living bejesus out of the Washington Redskins. The Skins brain trust immediately went to work to remedy the most glaring shortcoming. Did they adjust their pass-rush schemes? Tinker with their zone blocking? No, that would require actual football acumen. Rather the following week, the team handed out towels of their own. The move was widely ridiculed and relegated to the dustbin of failed promotions—or so we thought.

But this weekend, the Steelers are coming back to DC. So in an effort to avoid embarrassment (in the stands, at least) the Skins are bringing the idea out of mothballs and will distribute 50,000 of the “Redskins Rally” towels to fans. The team is eschewing their traditional burgundy and gold for the presumably cheaper white. Because nothing says “stand brave and fight” like waving a white flag above one’s head.

Says Coach Zorn:

“I think it’s fun that we’re doing the same thing. It’s a preseason game, but you know what, we’ve got great fans. I think Dan wants to continue to show his support and his enthusiasm for this team, for this community, so I think it’s all in … good fun. He’s competitive. We’re competitive. Now, I don’t know if there’s going to be battle of the towels or whatever. But it’ll be fun.”

You know what’s a good way to reveal that you don’t think something is a very good idea? Keep repeating how “fun” it is over and over. Unless, where Zorn comes from “fun” means “horribly unoriginal and embarrassing”. In that case, I completely agree. Seriously, there are several characteristics of the Steelers worthy of emulation– but flourishing your jizz mopper is not one of them.

[ credits: Jason Reid & Steinz at WaPo, USA Today ]

 
[ UPDATE: Drew didn't have time for a proper "This Week in F--k You" column, but he did send in this video edition. Check it out. Warning: some NSFW language. ]

The Football Fan’s Manifesto tip contest turned bad publicity stunt that will only cause me pain and likely not lead to any additional sales has come to a head. I can’t close the poll for some reason but here are the results at midnight, when I said I would end the voting. And the piece of merch that’s going to be fried will be a Terrible Towel. You people are some suckers for symbolism, I guess.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I definitely don’t want to burn a towel. The ghost of Myron Cope will never forgive me. But compared to what I could have lost, this is a huge relief. Hell, I have three of them and can get more at about $5 a pop (which goes to public schools the Allegheny Valley School, so I can be smug about my meager outlay). A few canny dickbags in the comments mentioned that the Hines jersey, though a crappy replica, holds the most sentimental value for me. And they’re 100 percent right. It’s not even close. It’s by far the most valuable item to me of all the things I offered up for sacrifice. Broggel nerr smire foll week if he have buln that jelsey! Yet still you picked a towel. YOU FOOLS! I spent all afternoon panicking that I was gonna have to lose the Hines jersey. After all, I wore it in that picture that got me shitcanned from The Post. I wore the thing under another jersey during the Super Bowl because I was freaked out because I wore it during Super Bowl XL and my superstitions were running on overdrive. It’s a priceless piece of Apeiana! You could even have made me destroy one of the other jerseys or the Fathead, which set me back far more money than one of several Terrible Towels. Still, I’m gonna have to destroy a towel and probably will never hear the end of it from fellow Steelers fans this year. You’ll get your video next week, jackals.