GUYS! Hey guys! I’ve got Brett Favre right next to me and now I’m about to talk to him! I used to try to TACKLE him, now I try to TALK to him. Ha ha ha ha. Huh.

Man it is really SNOWING down here! I don’t know what it’s like up there but down here it is SNOWING! And the SNOW is getting on the FIELD.

Whoa this snow is cold!

Guys, I asked around and some other guys are SHOVELING THE SNOW. Look at ‘em go! Wheeee! Huh huh huh. WOW! How do they shovel in a straight line like that?

I’m gonna need a minute here, guys. Sometimes I need to catch my breath after I talk so much.

I wanna tell you, I tasted the snow, guys, and it tastes like WATER. REALLY COLD WATER. And dirt. But mostly water. You ever tasted dirt before? It’s not that bad. I like hot dogs better, though.

Hey guys! GUYS! Look at me! The nice men gave me a ride in the snow plow! I sure do appreciate it. Otherwise I woulda had to walk across the field, and that’s FAR.

Huh huh huh huh huh I made a snow angel! It’s big, LIKE ME! AHHHHHHHHHH SNOW IN THE PANTS SNOW IN THE PANTS HELP ME CAMERA MAN! It’s cold it’s cold it’s cold it’s cold! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Back to you, Moose.

Ow! I bumped my head on the microphone again!

I tell you what, Dick. These players are really fired up! I think they’re really happy they just scored! Boy, you can really feel the enthusiasm down here! Sometime I like to touch my taint and then smell it!

I think it’s kinda windy out here. Wind confuses me, because it’s invisible!

I was gonna go talk to one of the coaches during halftime but he was too far away!

Joe Buck is a fag, guys! Am I right or what?

I don’t know how you guys hear me up there. IT MUST BE BECAUSE I TALK REAL LOUD!

I think they’re barbecuing nearby! Boy, I sure could go for some food, because I’m fat, and FOX hired me because they think all their viewers are braindead Jersey assholes! You know, sometimes I get Elmer’s Glue and vanilla frosting confused!

The team doctor said I should keep my helmet on during retirement!

Ow! I stared at the sun for too long again!

Oh! Oh! I think a player just got hurt! Boy, that looked bad! He’s limping! And now he’s walking around the bench! And now he’s eating stray pretzel bits. And I think his wing is messed up! Wait, wait, wait. I’m sorry, Dick. That’s actually a bird, and not a player. My bad! This job is HARD!

If you roll a pencil up in your foreskin, it looks like you stuck a pencil through your peepee! Tee hee hee!

Those cheerleaders have big boobies! I like to bite them when they aren’t suspecting it!

Ow! I tried walking through a wall again. Sometimes I try and act like I’m The Thing!

I tell you what, guys, that #56 out there is one tough player! He’s hitting people, and he’s being hit, and he keeps trying to get the ball! That’s my kind of player!

Quaterbacks are pussies. Except for Brett Favre. He’s Siragusa tough! And Tom Brady. And Peyton Manning. And Tony Romo. And about 30 other guys!

You know what would be cool? If the defenders had lasers!

Ow! I licked the hot dog roller again!

Back to you, Dick!