Int. FedEx Field

[cellphone rings]

Tony: [grimaces] You got Romo!

Pinkie: Hey brah!

Tony: Nick?

Pinkie: Nah, brah.

Tony: Matt?

Pinkie: Nah, brah!

Tony: Who is this?

Pinkie: It’s me, brah, your pinkie finger.

Tony: My pinkie finger? How the hell did you get a phone?

Pinkie: It was a gift from Jessica’s foot after I fucked the shit out of her toe wedges.

Tony: Oh come on, how can a pinkie finger have sex?

Pinkie: Hey, just because I’m a little guy doesn’t mean I’m not packin’ some serious meat down south of knuckletown. See brah, this is why I’m callin’ you. Ever since you broke my ass people have been disrespectin’ me left and right.

Tony: What do you mean, pinkie?

Pinkie: Have you seen this bullshit cast they have me wearing? It makes me look like a fucking pussy! And another thing, tell people to stop callin’ me “pinkie” brah, I spent the bye week in Cabo gettin’ my shit all tan and sexified. I demand a name that better describes my new look.

[other cellphone rings]

Tony: Hang on pinkie, I have another call.

Pinkie: Tell that bitch Kremer to keep her frigid hands off the goods and get me one of those fancy knit hats.

[Tony answers]

Tony: Go for Romo!

Jessica’s foot: Hey baby, we need to talk.

Tony: Okay, hang on.

[Tony switches phones]

Tony: Hey pinkie, I have to take this other call.

Pinkie: Can you get me on Celebrity Apprentice?

[Tony hangs up]

Tony: What’s up, Jess?

Jessica’s foot: This isn’t Jess, it’s her foot. I thought you should know that your pinkie gave me toe herpes.

[Tony hangs up]

Tony: Why do I keep answering these damn phones?