Kissing Suzy Kolber » tip contest

KSK Kontent Klearinghouse: The LenWhale Diet Plan and NFL’s Wacky Races

Christmas Ape — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 19:54:38 +0000

Here’s a video showing the real victims of the final-until-two-weeks-from-now Brett Favre retirement: media whores. When you think about it, in any tragedy, it’s always the whores who suffer the most.

LenWhale’s key to shedding unwanted pounds: quit pounding tequila. And if you can’t, at least quit chasing it with bacon paste.

Someone’s stirring up the rubes by wearing a Vikings Favre jersey to Packers camp. That’s the worst thing you can do in Green Bay save maybe saving there’s only low fat creamer left.

DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart, now apparently rebranded as “Double Trouble” (clever!) have started a web site where they offer to let you become a “troublemaker” for the low, low price of $34.28. Good luck with that. Though you know if two benchwarmers from the Tar Heels did the same thing, North Carolina would be all over like grits on everything.

Vehicular wackiness has been all the rage at training camps this year, be it Reggie Wayne showing up in a dump truck (somehow Najeh Davenport never thought of this), James Harrison in a Smart Car (BECAUSE THEY SMART ENOUGH TO BE LOYAL TO JAMES HARRISON!) and the Buzzsaw on Segways, not to mention the usually forced folksiness of athletes tooling around on bikes. Update: they got scooters too! However, unless Al Davis arrives via autogyro, I’m not really getting into this campmeme.

Finally, a sign the tip contest for your book turned out to be an abortion: the person who won (and not with even a particularly strong entry) replied by e-mail claiming they didn’t actually submit the entry.

The fair thing to do would be the give the choice to the second place entrant, but they don’t really deserve the choice either (they’re still getting the books). So, I tell you what I’m going to do: we’re gonna put it to a vote.

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SAVE ME, YINZER HORDE!

Poll will be open until the end of Tuesday.

Christmas Ape — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 16:16:13 +0000

A REARMINDER TO ASS US SEXBAG QUESTIONS. For instance, how could someone get a best and worst ass list so horribly wrong? This week’s author, Ufford, has another lady in mind and will be glad to tell you about it. So back those questions on in this-ah way.

While we’re dishing out reminders, the “Get Christmas Ape to Burn His Steelers Stuff-slash-Win Free Copies of His Book” contest is going on through the end of July. So continue sending on funny Photoshops, videos, tips, anecdotes, stories, nude picture of attractive female friends. I’ll announce the winners the first week of August. We’ve had some decent entries thus far, but I’m confident in saying the contest is still wide open (it’s like your mom in that respect).

The KSK Football Fan’s Manifesto Tip Contest

Christmas Ape — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 15:56:14 +0000

That there is the front and back cover of my upcoming book, “The Football Fan’s Manifesto”, a clarion call to return fandom to its debauched roots that doubles as an all-encompassing guide to being a sufficiently deranged NFL fan. Drew said HarperCollins gave me the Clive Cussler treatment, but I’d argue that they went as far as to break out the Transformers font for me. Either way, I think it looks pretty badass.

As we did with Men With Balls, we’re holding a tip contest for our readers to win copies of the book. Winning entries can be scoops, funny Photoshops, hilarious user created videos, amusing anecdotes of your experience rooting for your team or going to the game, really anything we arbitrarily deem to be worthwhile. Two runners-up will receive a free copy of the book. The winner, of course, will also win a free copy. Plus a special grand prize.

Because everyone knows I’m an obnoxious rank homer (I even got another Steelers fan to do the illustrations for the book) I’m going to give you the chance to exact some revenge.

That’s right. The winner of the contest gets to choose any one piece of Steelers merch that I own for me to burn to cinders, which I will record myself doing and post on the site. It could be a Terrible Towel. It could be the Hines Ward jersey from the photo that got me fired from The Post (and the one I’ve worn during the last two Steelers Super Bowl wins). Entirely your call. Should a Steelers fan win (I hope, I hope, I hope), we’ll work something else out. But all the members of KSK will be judging the contest, which will prevent me from rigging it (remember, Ufford and Punter hate the Stillers, so that more than cancels me out).

So get on it and send your entries here.

And, again, you can pre-order the book here.