Brian Urlacher: Hey there, Jay. Can I get a word with you?

Jay Cutler: Huh? Now? Oh, all right Brian. What’s going on? I mean, not that I care. Whatever. Stuff sucks.

Brian Urlacher: Jay, dude, I wanna be straight with you. We gotta clear the air. You’re gonna hear a lot of noise about how I called you a pussy. Bobby Wade is shooting his mouth off. I don’t know if you heard yet.

Jay Cutler: Yeah, people like to lie about stuff like that. I don’t care. I never really believed that anyway.

Brian Urlacher: Well you should, because it’s true. I absolutely called you a pussy on at least two dozen occasions.

Jay Cutler: What?

Brian Urlacher: Oh yeah. Pretty much anytime your name came up, I’d be, like, “You know who’s the biggest gaping gash in the NFL? No contest – Cedric Benson.” But then I’d say you were a close second. Then I’d call my kid a pussy ’cause that’s what the whore I fucked is turning him into.

Jay Cutler: [sighs] So you think I’m a pussy?

Brian Urlacher: Oh, fuck, totally. But here’s my promise to you – I will never again call you a pussy so long as you are the starting quarterback of this football team. And so long as we are in the playoff hunt. Team chemistry is simply too valuable a thing to compromise just to be able to say what everyone is thinking.

Jay Cutler: Why’m I a pussy though?

Brian Urlacher: Oh, fuck, really? We gotta do this? Okay – it’s your pussy haircut, your pussy demeanor, your pussy attitude, your pussy words, your pussy vagina. All of it. It acts bands together to generate an unmistakable presence of twat.

Jay Cutler: [Sulks]

Brian Urlacher: So we cool now? We gonna be okay after this?

Jay Cutler: I guess.

Brian Urlacher: Glad to hear it, faggot. Now get your faggy mopey ass out there and win us some games. [Slaps him hard on back]