You’re currently basking in the afterglow of the first Sunday of football season which means there’s a decent chance you’ve uttered the phrase “Jesus, the Red Zone Channel is better than (blank)” at some point in the past 24 hours. And with damn good reason! You get to watch every damn game, in high definition no less, while Andrew Siciliano acts as your personal remote control for the day. Not only that, but he’s a remote control that tells jokes!

Yes Andrew, I do believe someone lured LenDale White into the endzone with promises of food, now I wonder what’s going on in the Atlanta game…holy shit, touchdown Michael Turner! How the fuck did he do that?!

But how exactly do you fill in the blank? Is the Red Zone Channel better than say, nachos? I say yes. So here’s a list of the great things in life that may or may not pale in comparison to your love for the Red Zone Channel. Fill in the blank however you see fit.

The Red Zone Channel is better than…

-Sex with your favorite celebrity
-Sex with a stranger
-Red meat
-Alcohol
-Nachos
-High quality amateur pornography
-Professional pornography
-Everything else on the internet
-NBC’s Thursday night lineup
-A restful night’s sleep
-Sex with your wife
-Your kids
-Jesus

Add your own in the comments!

Note: For the purposes of this post I am only considering the greatest legal things in the world. So yeah, no weed…yet!