So we’re finally updating the suicide pools for everyone paying attention. And we have instructions for those that have won their respective pools, so put down the Cheetos and pay attention.

IF YOU HAVE ALREADY WON YOUR POOL: Check the list after the jump and make sure your info is on the list. If it’s not, you need to email me.

IF YOU ARE STILL COMPETING IN YOUR POOL: Continue to make your picks on Yahoo! for this week. And make sure your group is on the list below. If it’s not, you need to email me.

We’ll have an update next week on where you’ll pick. It’s not exactly fair that some guys have already won their pool and still have a couple extra teams at their disposal. Next week, we’ll be starting a superpool with the remaining survivors and roll everything back so that all 32 teams will be back on the table. Yeah, it’s cumbersome and shitty, but it is fair. We’ll go into the playoffs if we have to. (more…)

Remember those suicide pools? We’ll have an update tomorrow. Promise.

Here’s one last reminder to sign up for the KSK Suicide Pools.

Oh, and commenter “12-Pack-Abs” has graciously offered to put up a $50 gift card for the survivor of the KSKSP, which I find totally awesome and quite stunning. And just so I don’t look like a total tightass, I’m going to match it.

So the winner of this little clambake is going to have an extra C-note to his or her credit come January. Why the fuck haven’t you signed up yet?

Inumerable thanks to the cadre of commenters that volunteered to set up these pools for our contest. You, faithful reader, can register in any of these pools to be eligible for the KSK Suicide Pool contest. The winner will get a copy of my upcoming pamphlet, currently untitled, to be released in early 2009. And maybe some other shit.

Pick a group below to join, go here, and sign up. Those running the pools: feel free to identify your pool in the comments (sorry I didn’t do it myself). We’ll add pools to the board as more are created and pull off the ones that fill up to 50. Don’t cry about how you can’t get into a pool. These pools aren’t lifeboats on the Titanic; we’re maxing out all of them. Keep looking.

As for the rest of you, DO NOT sign up for more than one group. If you prove to be as dumb as the people we kicked out last year for this, I will find out where you live and drop a brown baby boy on your coffee table, or nearest furniture equivalent. I WILL FIND YOU. You know, time permitting.

Good luck to everyone, and don’t forget to pick a team fore Week 1 when you sign up. (more…)

We’re looking for people to help us run the suicide pools for this year. Yes, we’re having them.

For us to consider you helpful, you must be willing to set up a Yahoo! pool for us to direct our commenters to sign up, and mail in updates of that pool every three weeks. If you are interested in helping out, send an email to me at mondaymorningpunter <at> gmail.com with the phrase SUICIDE POOL in your subject line. I need to hear from you today. Thanks.

UPDATE: If you’re wondering if we still need people, yes, we still need people. Thanks a ton to those that have already volunteered. Your service is crucial to our efforts.

This is not a real update on the Pools. We’ll have a real update tomorrow. I’d estimate that we’re finally down to about 30 entries, from about 750 original participants. I went out after forgetting to pick a team for Week 2, but I’m awesome like that. But we can get to that later.

For now, here are some of my favorite entry names from the pools this year. You people did us proud; with a scant canvas of only 30 characters, you managed to create and compose elements of sheer splendor. Behold:

Banger in the Mouth

cheer up emo kid

The Pukey McNabbs

Astoria Cuntstuffers

Chris Kaman (your mouth)

Chris Hansen is a Cockblocker

What Smells Like Blue?

Igor OlShankNuts

Jake Plummers handball partner

Steely McBeam Cream

Like Gloria Gaynor with AIDS

YES! It’s Rich Kotite!

Who wants sticky buns?

WeekendatBernieKozar’s

Grandpa PeePee Pants

His name was Steve Sewell.

But can we have the trees?

Dirk Diggler Has Bad Posture

Ass to Mouth

Steely McAnalBead

I have $12/hr reasons to live.

My Assring Itches

The Masturbating Montanas

Faith Plus One

Matt Ufford’s Future Ex

Brady Quinn Bar PhotoHunt

IFeelSorryForYourMother

Cunnilingus Spice

Pat Tillman’s Friendly Fire

Lazy Wife’s Pick

Dick Justice

My Little Pony’s Balls

Real update tomorrow. Or later this week.

I just went downstairs for a breakfast sandwich, and HOLY SHIT, was it good. It was only like, two bucks! I love the South.

For now, here are some of my favorite entry names from the pools this year. You people did us proud; with a scant canvas of only 30 characters, you managed to create and compose elements of sheer splendor. Behold:

FaceButterontheToast

Optimus Prime Minister

fish taco and vanzetti

Goodell’s Lapdog

Rosebud Basselopes

Sex Nuts & Retard Strong

Oh my God it’s PacMan’s music

generic sexual innuendo

The Chicago Bear Grylls

The Noisewater Experience

Bluth Company Fire Starters

Abbandano Grosseria

Shaved Yak

Marcus Vick McRobbed You

Ditka & The Sex Cannons

Lance Ito’s Facial Pubes

Its my Vick in a box

Touched By An Uncle

Steely McBeam – Heterosexual

Bill Walsh’s Corpse’s Legacy

Face Down in Oprah

Full Blown Aides

My Biscuits are Burning

Tijuana Snaggle Puss

TeriSchiavoSignedMyFeedingTube

Jew Don Boney Jr

Derrick Thomas Driving School

Whole Kitna Kaboodle

Benoit’s Weight Machine

Dogs+Water+Electricity

Erin Andrews’ Panties

Rick Ankiel’s The-rapist

turd

rusty shackleford sees all

Lake Tahoe Goulets

The Well-Hung Jury

More brilliance forthcoming in Part II.

UPDATE (9/6): This is the latest group. ID#: 27548, pw(latelate). Remember, one entry per person. Thanks for playing.

A quick announcement:

KSK will be running a suicide pool for the 2007 season. If you’re interested, we’d like you to get in on it. Here’s the information:

Click here.

Here’s our Group ID# (1510) and the Password (gargargargar).

If you’ve never done a NFL suicide pool before, you pick one team per week. If your team wins, you advance to the next week. If your team loses, stick a fork in your ass, because you’re done. Oh, and you can only pick a team to win once. That bit is crucial.

This particular group only holds 50 people. Once it fills up, we’ll open another group, and so on, until everyone that wants to get in, gets in. There’s plenty of room on this crazy train, but, for fuck’s sake, one entry to a person. We will post a comprehensive leaderboard of the survivors when the pack gets whittled down to 30.

We will do something special for anyone that survives the entire season. We don’t know what that will be yet, so don’t ask. The updates for new groups will be made in this space, so check back if you don’t get into the first group.

UPDATE: Group 2 is up. Same link, ID#: 3858, pw(jeangray). Sorry that took so long; I just woke up.

UPDATE: Group 3 is up now, too. Same link, ID#: 3877, pw(majofhonor).

UPDATE: Group 4 is up. Same link, ID#: 3920, pw(donthasseltheuf).

UPDATE: Group V is up. Same link, ID#: 3939, pw(daddydrewblood).

UPDATE: Group 6 is up. Same link, ID#: 3975, pw(falcocrest).

UPDATE: Group 7 is up. Same link, ID#: 4023, pw(ifuckmules).

UPDATE: Group 8 is up. Same link, ID#: 4028, pw(scottvanpelt).

UPDATE: Group 9 is up. Same link, ID#: 4033, pw(tblmovienight).

UPDATE: Congratulations to Kels, who just got his ass banned for signing up for more than one pool. It takes skill to finish dead last before the contest even starts. ONE ENTRY PER PERSON. If you put in two entries, I will find your cheating ass. So don’t bother.

UPDATE: Group X is up. Same link, ID#: 4198, pw(urmomcame4me).

UPDATE: Group 11 is up. Same link, ID#: 4620, pw(killkillkill).

UPDATE: Group 12 is up. Same link, ID#: 5107, pw(kelscheated).

UPDATE: Another Group 12. Same link, ID#: 5105, pw(jugsandred).

UPDATE: Group 14. Same link, ID#: 6543, pw(apecanttype). If you’re already in one of the other 13 groups and you join this group, I will come to your house and sew your genitals to your face.

UPDATE: Group 15. Same link, ID#: 8780, pw(shanofftimer). If you are in more than one group my friends and I will shit in your car.

UPDATE: Group 16. Same link, ID#: 27548, pw(latelate). If you are in more than one group my friends and I will come to your house and tear your wife in half.