Kissing Suzy Kolber » the KSK Suicide Pools http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com KSK is a humor site dedicated solely to the NFL. Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:26:08 +0000 http://wordpress.org/ en hourly 1 http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/11/20925.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/11/20925.html#comments Thu, 05 Nov 2009 16:45:32 +0000 Monday Morning Punter http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=20925 suicide_bathtubSUICIDE POOL UPDATE: 244 people are still perfect through eight weeks; that’s about 18 percent of our original suicide poolers. And yeah, there’s a better-than-average chance that there will be more than one competitor standing when we run out of regular-season games. If that happens, we’ll probably just hold a random draw for prizes, which will include a signed copy of Ape’s book, some awesomely low-tech football game, and other stuff. You can view the pool here, and we’ll have another update when the herd starts to thin out a bit more.

]]> http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/11/20925.html/feed 11 http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/09/18616.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/09/18616.html#comments Thu, 10 Sep 2009 18:30:57 +0000 Monday Morning Punter http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=18616 KSK will be running a suicide pool for the 2009 season. Register here. Password is “kogod” and you better get cracking. Pick one team per week. If your team wins, you advance to the next week. If your team loses, stick a fork in your ass, because you’re done. Oh, and you can only pick a team to win once. We will do something special for anyone that survives the entire season. If you win but flame out in Week 12, tough titties. Good luck.

]]> http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/09/18616.html/feed 29 KSK Suicide Pools: And Then There Was One http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/01/ksk-suicide-pools-and-then-there-was-one.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/01/ksk-suicide-pools-and-then-there-was-one.html#comments Wed, 14 Jan 2009 03:23:20 +0000 Monday Morning Punter http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=10293

When Princeton played Rutgers in 1867, they didn’t even have a real ball. They just had Rupert.

Rupert was a four-pound pit bull that belonged to one of the students. He was beloved, really. But hey, kids gotta play, and so Rupert was beaten to death outside of the Princeton bookstore, right before being stuffed and lateraled into puppy immortality.

Our site’s first cracks at maintaining our own suicide pool have run with similar, bloody results. That said, we managed to find a single survivor to take our $100 prize. And that survivor was PARTYJIHAD from the Welker’s Spheres. His prize is waiting, and we’ll send it out as soon as he gets in touch with me via email.

Congrats, and thanks to all that took part.

]]> http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/01/ksk-suicide-pools-and-then-there-was-one.html/feed 47 Suicide Bunny Says You Don’t Have the Balls to Pick the Cardinals http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/01/suicide-bunny-says-you-dont-have-the-balls-to-pick-the-cardinals.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/01/suicide-bunny-says-you-dont-have-the-balls-to-pick-the-cardinals.html#comments Sat, 10 Jan 2009 18:02:44 +0000 Captain Caveman http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=10072

Okay, for that weird sub-section of people who have somehow had the patience and insanity to follow the Byzantine maze of KSK’s suicide pools this season: make your picks here.  Everyone else: move along, nothing to see here.

]]> http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/01/suicide-bunny-says-you-dont-have-the-balls-to-pick-the-cardinals.html/feed 10 http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/01/9514.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/01/9514.html#comments Fri, 02 Jan 2009 02:29:07 +0000 Monday Morning Punter http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=9514 PICK HERE. Later, we’ll have a complete listing of who’s still in. But you can get your picks in now if you don’t feel like waiting. Consider last week a “bye” week. I don’t know a fairer way to handle that. My b.

]]> http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/01/9514.html/feed 13 PICK HERE: Don’t Blow It This Week http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/12/pick-here-dont-blow-it-this-week.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/12/pick-here-dont-blow-it-this-week.html#comments Thu, 18 Dec 2008 23:18:40 +0000 Monday Morning Punter http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=8862

We’re down to 20, and this week’s matchups should ensure that Week 16 won’t be a repeat of last week’s snoozefest of everyone picking Philadelphia over Cleveland (save a few brave souls). This week, Cleveland plays the hapless Bengals, in a game that you’d wanna say “somebody has to win,” but the Bengals have blown that theory to shit.

top Image credit

The three best plays arguably involve playoff teams, so if you’re one of the remaining elite, choose wisely. Get to it.

bottom image credit

 

DeepFriar Says:
TouchDownSyndrome
KSK 17 Sex Cannons United
Pittsburgh
Tennessee
New England
Philadelphia beats Cleveland

Felchy Says:
KSK17 Falco Memorial Pool – Felchy
Steelers to win in Week 12
Cowboys to win in Week 13
Arizona over St. Louis
Eagles to beat the Browns

Barry Duffman Says:
KSK17_THFR
I will kill you–
Pittsburgh to defeat Cincinnati.
Indy over Cleveland
Tennessee over Cleveland
Philly over Cleveland

NoRomo Says:
No Romo from KSK17 Cougs Rule:
Steelers over Bengals
Indy over Cleveland.
New England over Seattle
Philly over Cleveland

Roy Hobbs Says:
KSK17 Hines Smire Factoly (Group ID# 20147)
Tarr Leceivels Lure!
Benrongrastname
Steelers over Bengals.
Titans over Lions.
Colts over Bengals
Iggles over the Cleve Brownies

slims Says:
KSK 17 Warthogs (Group ID# 18619)
LA Saints 2009
Bears over Rams
Dallas over Seattle
New England over Seattle
Miami over San Francisco

HardcoreZorn Says:
HardcoreZorn (KSK17 – Say Chowdah!)
Tampa Bay over Detroit
Miami over St. Louis
Arizona over St. Louis
Indianapolis over Detroit

Cheap Dick Butkus Joke Says:
Cheap Dick Butkus Joke – KSK17 Snitch B. Kaczur
Dallas over San Francisco
Baltimore over Cincinnati
Tennessee over Cleveland
Philly over Cleveland

Nagasaki Handshake Says:
KSK17 – Goodell Justice – Davmattfan
Pittsburgh over Cincy
Indy over cleveland
Arizona over St Louis
Philly over Cleveland

Erin Andrew’s Snuke Says:
Erin Andrew’s Snuke (League: Purple Penis Eaters)
Steelers over Bengals
Dallas over Seattle
Indy over Cinci
Philly over the Cleveland

ElRanito Says:
Rod Smart – KSK17 Falco Memorial Pool
Pittsburgh over Cincinnati
Tennessee over Detroit
Indianapolis over Cincinnati
Philadelphia over Cleveland

Surviving on Sam Adams Says:
Surviving on Sam Adams-KSK 17 Defenestrators.
Steelers over Cincy
Dallas over Seattle
Indy over Cincy
Philly over Clev

Screamapillar Says:
KSK 17 Warthogs (Group ID# 18619)
Shit Slushies
Pittsburgh over Cincy
Dallas over Seattle
Tennessee over Cleveland

Trust Doesn’t Rust Says:
pittsburgh over cincy
Tennessee over Detroit
Arizona over St. Louis
Philly over Cleveland

sbrezins Says:
KSK171717 (Group ID # 20847)
NJ Water Specialists picks
Pittsburgh
dallas
Indy over Cinci
philly over cleveland

Bromino Says:
Lofa Tatupoontang
KSK 17 – Nana’s Tea Party
Pittsburgh over Cincinnat
Tennessee over Detroit
Arizona over St. Louis
Philadelphia over Cleveland

Schrute Farms Says:
KSK17 Cougs Rule
The Win that Never Comes
Steelers over Cincy
Dallas over Seattle
Denver over KC
Miami over SF

Katal Says:
Blue Team from KSK17 New Day Co-Op (19099).
Pittsburgh
Titans over the Lions
Broncos over the Chiefs
Eagles over the Browns

Paydro Says:
KSK17 – Underdogs
The Burnination
Tampa Bay over Detroit.
Baltimore over Cinci
Tennessee over Cleveland
Philly over Cleveland

partyjihad Says:
From Welker’s Spheres:
Dallas over Niners
Indy over Cleveland
titans over browns
pats over raiders

]]> http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/12/pick-here-dont-blow-it-this-week.html/feed 22 http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/12/8434.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/12/8434.html#comments Thu, 11 Dec 2008 21:51:53 +0000 Monday Morning Punter http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=8434 PICK HERE. If you’re one of the 22 survivors of the SuperPool, come on in.

If we haven’t mentioned it earlier, we’ll pick games into the playoffs if need be. That’s significant, and keeps the “whoever is playing Shit Team X” stratagem in play more than ever. In the event we have a tie after the Super Bowl, we’ll split the $100 prize evenly with whoever’s left. No point in adding new rules midstream; this isn’t the XFL.

These testaments to humanity are still alive in the SuperPool:

JT to VD for the TD Says:
KSK17 Defenestrators Group
Dallas def. San Francisco
Tennessee over Detroit

DeepFriar Says:
TouchDownSyndrome
KSK 17 Sex Cannons United
Pittsburgh
Tennessee
New England

Felchy Says:
KSK17 Falco Memorial Pool – Felchy
Steelers to win in Week 12
Cowboys to win in Week 13 (AT THE BUZZER)
Arizona over St. Louis

Barry Duffman Says:
KSK17_THFR
I will kill you–
Pittsburgh to defeat Cincinnati.
Indy over Cleveland
Tennessee over Cleveland

NoRomo Says:
No Romo from KSK17 Cougs Rule:
Steelers over Bengals
Indy over Cleveland.
New England over Seattle

Roy Hobbs Says:
KSK17 Hines Smire Factoly (Group ID# 20147)
Tarr Leceivels Lure!
Benrongrastname
Steelers over Bengals.
Titans over Lions.
Colts over Bengals

slims Says:
KSK 17 Warthogs (Group ID# 18619)
LA Saints 2009
Bears over Rams (actually had them still available)
Dallas over Seattle
New England over Seattle

HardcoreZorn Says:
HardcoreZorn (KSK17 – Say Chowdah!)
Tampa Bay over Detroit
Miami over St. Louis
Arizona over St. Louis

Steve Says:
Michael Turner Overdrive (KSK17 Defenestrators)
Tampa Bay over Detroit
Titans over Lions

Cheap Dick Butkus Joke Says:
Cheap Dick Butkus Joke – KSK17 Snitch B. Kaczur
Dallas over San Francisco
Baltimore over Cincinnati
Tennessee over Cleveland

Nagasaki Handshake Says:
KSK17 – Goodell Justice – Davmattfan
Pittsburgh over Cincy
Indy over cleveland
Arizona over St Louis

Erin Andrew’s Snuke Says:
Erin Andrew’s Snuke (League: Purple Penis Eaters)
Steelers over Bengals
Dallas over Seattle
Indy over Cinci

ElRanito Says:
Rod Smart – KSK17 Falco Memorial Pool
Pittsburgh over Cincinnati
Tennessee over Detroit
Indianapolis over Cincinnati

Surviving on Sam Adams Says:
Surviving on Sam Adams-KSK 17 Defenestrators.
Steelers over Cincy
Dallas over Seattle
Indy over Cincy

Screamapillar Says:
KSK 17 Warthogs (Group ID# 18619)
Shit Slushies
Pittsburgh over Cincy
Dallas over Seattle
Tennessee over Cleveland

Trust Doesn’t Rust Says:
i picked pittsburgh over cincy
-trust doesn’t rust
Tennessee over Detroit
Arizona over St. Louis

sbrezins Says:
KSK171717 (Group ID # 20847)
NJ Water Specialists picks
Pittsburgh
dallas
Indy over Cinci

Bromino Says:
Lofa Tatupoontang
KSK 17 – Nana’s Tea Party
Pittsburgh over Cincinnat
Tennessee over Detroit
Arizona over St. Louis

Schrute Farms Says:
KSK17 Cougs Rule
The Win that Never Comes
Steelers over Cincy
Dallas over Seattle
Denver over KC

Katal Says:
Blue Team from KSK17 New Day Co-Op (19099).
Pittsburgh
Titans over the Lions
Broncos over the Chiefs

Paydro Says:
KSK17 – Underdogs
The Burnination
Tampa Bay over Detroit.
Baltimore over Cinci
Tennessee over Cleveland

partyjihad Says:
From Welker’s Spheres:
Dallas over Niners
Indy over Cleveland
titans over browns


Pour some liquor for these homies that fell short over the last two weeks:

El Borracho Says:
El Borracho’s pick:
Dallas def. San Francisco
Jacksonville def. Houston (HOU won)

the great bambi Says:
the great bambi, KSK17 Falco Memorial Pool
Stillers over Bungles
(NO WEEK 13 PICK)

Baus Says:
Biggest Boss That Ya Seen Thus Far out of the KSK17 GOBBLE DOTS Super regional–Steelers
(no week 13 pick)

The Gooch Says:
El Goocho Cinco, Champeen (not to be confused with peen) of Ray Combs Pool Party, picks:
Dallas over San Fran.
(no pick for week 13)

Mr. Pinchloaf Says:
Nanny Goats in KSK17 Make it Rainbow
Washington over Seattle
Buffalo over San Francisco

Warren Moon Pie Says:
KSK17 Suicide Jamboree
Biff King P.I.
Steelers over Bengals
Tennessee over Detroit
Washington over Cincinnati (WASH lost anyway)

]]> http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/12/8434.html/feed 22 SUICIDE PICKS HERE! GET YOUR SUICIDE PICKS IN NOW! http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/12/suicide-picks-here-get-your-suicide-picks-in-now.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/12/suicide-picks-here-get-your-suicide-picks-in-now.html#comments Fri, 05 Dec 2008 00:30:22 +0000 Captain Caveman http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=8061

Punter’s the one usually in charge of the suicide picks, so I don’t really know how this works.  But if you’ve survived so far, you know what’s going on.  Get your picks in now and Punter will sort out the survivors.

Raiders-Chargers game is off-limits as soon as the game kicks off.

]]> http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/12/suicide-picks-here-get-your-suicide-picks-in-now.html/feed 27 PICK HERE http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/11/pick-here.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/11/pick-here.html#comments Thu, 27 Nov 2008 03:00:51 +0000 Monday Morning Punter http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=7739 PICK HERE if you’re competing in the KSK Suicide Superpool and your pick was successful last week. Yeah, this pool is about as well-organized as FEMA, but look on the bright side–YOUR TAX DOLLARS ARE NOT AT WORK HERE. And there’s still $100 on the line for the winner. This may go all the way down to the wire. 

I need your pool name, your original group name, and your winner for this week. Except for your pick last week, every team is available to you. Yes, it’s bullshit, but it’s the only fair way to do it with the system we have here. Sorry that you got stuck in the BCS of suicide pools. But be grateful you’re still in the hunt. 

THESE 28 PICKERS ARE STILL ALIVE:

El Borracho Says:
El Borracho’s pick: Dallas def. San Francisco

JT to VD for the TD Says:
KSK17 Defenestrators Group
Dallas def. San Francisco

the great bambi Says:
the great bambi, KSK17 Falco Memorial Pool
Stillers over Bungles

DeepFriar Says:
TouchDownSyndrome
KSK 17 Sex Cannons United
Pittsburgh

Felchy Says:
KSK17 Falco Memorial Pool – Felchy
Steelers to win in Week 12

Barry Duffman Says:
KSK17_THFR
I will kill you–Pittsburgh to defeat Cincinnati.

NoRomo Says:
No Romo from KSK17 Cougs Rule:
Steelers over Bengals

Roy Hobbs Says:
KSK17 Hines Smire Factoly (Group ID# 20147)
Tarr Leceivels Lure!
Benrongrastname
Steelers over Bengals.

slims Says:
KSK 17 Warthogs (Group ID# 18619)
LA Saints 2009
Bears over Rams (actually had them still available)

HardcoreZorn Says:
HardcoreZorn (KSK17 – Say Chowdah!)
Tampa Bay over Detroit

Steve Says:
Michael Turner Overdrive (KSK17 Defenestrators)
Tampa Bay over Detroit

Cheap Dick Butkus Joke Says:
Cheap Dick Butkus Joke – KSK17 Snitch B. Kaczur
Dallas over San Francisco

Nagasaki Handshake Says:
KSK17 – Goodell Justice – Davmattfan
Pittsburgh over Cincy

Warren Moon Pie Says:
KSK17 Suicide Jamboree
Biff King P.I.
Steelers over Bengals

Erin Andrew’s Snuke Says:
Erin Andrew’s Snuke (League: Purple Penis Eaters)
Steelers over Bengals

The Gooch Says:
El Goocho Cinco, Champeen (not to be confused with peen) of Ray Combs Pool Party, picks:
Dallas over San Fran.

ElRanito Says:
Rod Smart – KSK17 Falco Memorial Pool
Pittsburgh over Cincinnati

Baus Says:
Biggest Boss That Ya Seen Thus Far out of the KSK17 GOBBLE DOTS Super regional–Steelers

Surviving on Sam Adams Says:
Surviving on Sam Adams-KSK 17 Defenestrators.
Steelers over Cincy

Screamapillar Says:
KSK 17 Warthogs (Group ID# 18619)
Shit Slushies
Pick: Pittsburgh over Cincy

Trust Doesn’t Rust Says:
i picked pittsburgh over cincy
-trust doesn’t rust

Mr. Pinchloaf Says:
Nanny Goats in KSK17 Make it Rainbow
Washington over Seattle

sbrezins Says:
KSK171717 (Group ID # 20847)
NJ Water Specialists picks Pittsburgh

Bromino Says:
Lofa Tatupoontang
KSK 17 – Nana’s Tea Party
Pittsburgh over Cincinnati

Schrute Farms Says:
KSK17 Cougs Rule
The Win that Never Comes
Steelers over Cincy

Katal Says:
Blue Team from KSK17 New Day Co-Op (19099).
Pittsburgh

Paydro Says:
KSK17 – Underdogs
The Burnination
Tampa Bay over Detroit.

partyjihad Says:
From Welker’s Spheres: Dallas over Niners

SING A SAD SONG FOR THE PICKERS THAT DID NOT SURVIVE WEEK 12:

wehavehair Says:
Flip Flops (KSK17 Nana’s Tea Party): Denver

Getcha Cop Porn Ready Says:
Welker’s Spheres: (picked too late)

Major Major Says:
Charlene
KSK17 Welker’s Spheres
Denver

Tonegent Says:
KSK17 Suicide Jamboree
Obama Said Knock You Out! Denver over Oakland.

The White Boom Boom Says:
Hines Wald’s Big Smirre-KSK17 Nana’s Tea Party
Denver over Oakland

rdwalshv Says:
Bollinger! The Musical, KSK17 Nana’s Teap Party (18935)
Pick: Denver over Oakland

Charlie Says:
KSK17 EAS Myoplex League
Mi Uzi weighs Orton picks Denver over Oakland

]]> http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/11/pick-here.html/feed 30 KSK SUICIDE SUPERPOOL: PICK HERE http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/11/ksk-suicide-superpool-pick-here.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/11/ksk-suicide-superpool-pick-here.html#comments Thu, 20 Nov 2008 16:46:10 +0000 Monday Morning Punter http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=7440 If you’ve survived your suicide pool up to this point, you need to identify yourself in this thread and make your pick for this week in the comments. This is the superpool. We ask that you not comment unless you are picking a game for this week. If you don’t think you should be in here, you shouldn’t. Just go away.

As for your suicides…the slate is clean. You have all 32 teams at your disposal. So get to it. Questions can be posed and will be answered here, and we’ll get a complete list of the remaining survivors verified and posted next week, but for now, it’s time to do what you do.

Good luck.

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