As the season inches closer, the fantasy football questions grow more and more specific, and for some reason, the sex questions turn a little more depressing. Anyway, we’re running late enough as it is, so let’s get into it, shall we?
We’re trying something new with the mailbag this week. Because a lot of you have similar sex questions from week to week and month to month, and because some of you insist on asking questions about drafting fantasy defenses, and because others feel like giving us three paragraphs of back story about your relationships, some of this week’s submissions have only a fantasy question OR a sex question. Y’all got ch’asses EDITED.
But even half a question published is better than no question at all — if your query was ignored, we apologize: we received way more submissions than we could get to this week. But enough babble: let’s get freaky.
(more…)
And now for Part II of this week’s mailbag. If you missed Part I, you can find it here. Not that there’s any kind of essential sequence to these questions.
Anyway, plenty more wack jobs and head scratchers here, as the problems range from dating a woman who constantly lies to dating two girls at the same time to playing fantasy football with certifiable Down Syndrome cases. We’ve even got the rarest and saddest of cases for the second straight half-mailbag: a Buccaneers fan. Ouch! Let’s all be amateur psychologists/Yahoo! “experts” after the jump.
Holy crap. Y’all got PROBLEMS. We received about 4000 words of sex and fantasy football problems before I cut off submissions last night, in fact. That’s a lot of problems, people. We’re talkin’ “Jay-Z 99 problems PLUS bitch problems” kind of problems. Jackson family problems.
And so, this week’s mailbag will come in two installments. Some highlights of this one include the prospect of dating Muslim women, whether or not the girl you picked up is a hooker, and the preconceived notions that come with dating an older woman. Fight stereotypes with me after the jump.
Welcome back to the sex bag, everybody. After a week off and with fantasy drafts getting nearer, we were flooded with emails. Some late admissions missed the cut, but we’ll try to get to them next week. Right now we’ve got more pressing problems, like how to coordinate a fantasy draft with a bachelor party, where to find a woman who can make you bleed during sex, how to make friends with benefits happen in three easy steps, and what to do when your girlfriend tries to F you in full view of her family.
Also discussed: the top running backs in the coming fantasy draft, IDP, and priorities by position. Man, you can feel football season getting nearer in these questions. Let’s pass some time together and get the opening kick-off closer, after the jump.
Lovers of sex and warmed-over sex advice rejoice, it is time again for the Internet’s foremost source of counsel from misanthropic sexists. This week, in addition to entertaining a bevy of B-Marsh trade inquiries, we address a wee dicked fellow who frets over his girl’s love of her “Purple Penetrator,” non-fug options for those in Oklahoma, a reader with a carte blanche for any sex act he desire, if it’s okay to bed a girl who’s long since dismissed your friend and, shock of shocks, a guy who bucks the tide of the overwhelmingly favorable anal seeking sentiment on the site. Remember, commenters, torch him, not me.
In last week’s mailbag, one emailer faced the temptation of his brother’s wife’s advances, and promised to send KSK the nude picture that said siren used to tempt him. Since then, many commenters and emailers have wondered why we haven’t posted this picture, because, uh… we always post naked pictures of anonymous women? Oh wait, we never do that. Sorry, that picture is a perk for the KSK staff only.
And just between us, it is FANTASTIC. Suckas!
In this week’s bag, we dole out advice to a masochistic Seahawks fan — is there any other kind? — envy an Arizona grad with a sexy dilemma, and revisit our advice to virgins and people exploring the world of herpes-sex. All that and more after the jump. Take off your pants and join me, won’t you?
We’ve got a special treat today, readers. Not one, not two, but THREE emails about people who have survived into their mid-twenties with their virginity intact. I know what you’re thinking: Whoa! There are die-hard football fans who consult a toilet-humor blog for sex advice that AREN’T popular with the ladies? Welp, it’s true, and it’s all after the jump — along with quests for threesomes, foursomes, and getting gays to play for the other team. As usual, very few people display the ability to self-edit, plus there are about 80 questions about the Bears and Jay Cutler. Why? Because too often, Bears fans get left out of the discussion about which team has the most aggressive homers in the country. Ya wankers.
Time again for weekly sexbag exhortations to the weak, wearied and wasted. In this installment, a man attempts to navigate his wife’s Byzantine cheating allowances, another fellow is hindered by hook ups, and still another contemplates a serious relationship with an exotic dancer, all the while threesomes upend anal for our reader request fixation de jure. We Americans are so staid. Here we are worked up by threesomes and the Japanese are having nipple tug of war (NSFW) at the beach.
You know the deal: you send us questions about your fantasy sex life and your fantasy football team, and we give you flippant answers when we don’t have the right answers.
Before we get into this week’s mailbag, a clarification from last week: one reader wrote in about his desire to “bang a blackie,” something that we found both offensive and out of touch (as slurs go). While it was made obvious that the person should be ridiculed in the comments, we should have done a better job of making it clear that we don’t want your racial or homophobic or gender-biased slurs in your submissions. Unless it’s one of the ones for Italians or the Irish. Those dagos and micks don’t deserve any better.
