HASSAN CHOP!

Even if Jay Glazer has cornered the market of NFL player MMA instruction, perhaps there’s still room in the burgeoning athlete fitness marketplace for Drew Rosenhaus to school them in the ways of the Flaming Brick Chop. Why should pass rushers merely push over opposing blockers when they can cleave them at the midsection with their mighty hands? Sure, for full effect you need to set the victim on fire first, but Rosenhaus was just getting ready to tell you the following lesson is FIRE BREATH.

Also, he’s gonna have to up his take when your rookie contract is being renegotiated.

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The alpaca message boards must be buzzing about this one.

Real Hollywood descended on Hollywood for Ugly People for the annual gala White House Media Compromising Their Own Objectivity For The Sake of a Cheap Status Affirmation Dinner. It’s a nice event to go to when people are trying to set bombs off in Times Square. Obama told Daily Show jokes. Egos were stroked. Everyone went away convinced of their own power.

More importantly, Tony Romo was caught in a photo with Zach Galifianakis, which is a wonderfully unexpected celebrity juxtaposition. I’m a little disappointed, as it looks like they are only between ONE FERN. Why must you ruin Zach’s bit, Tony?

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Now that Jay Cutler has pissed and moaned his way out of Denver and into the big city, he is wasting no time before jumping onto some H-list trim. Page Six reports that Cutler was spotted getting ‘faced in a Chicago night club with Julia Allison hugging up on him Saturday night. Readers of KSK might not be familiar with Allison, a Chicago native– and that’s largely to their credit. Allison is the dating columnist turned internet attention hound who appears on dreadful cable news talk shows on the reg. Said an eyewitness:

“He was sitting in a banquette and she was standing between his thighs, touching them and facing him. They were all over each other. It was kind of gross. He was drinking beer all night but she stuck to water.”

Getcha some! Whooooo! Gawker– a regular follower of Allison’s adventures adds:

Per the oversharing queen’s Twitter, we know Allison was showing the new QB her headband at 2 am in one tweet, and then not posting again until 7:35 am the next morning (see below left). “Jay is one of the top 10 quaterbacks [sic] in the NFL,” she wrote a friend. “I didn’t know who he was until last night.” Now she knows him.

For those who think this is post is merely a roundabout excuse to post a picture of this broad in her underwear– congratulation, you are correct…

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