For this week’s mock draft we’re selecting articles of clothing that when picked will disappear forever. To kick things off we’ve invited our dear friend George Will to throw out the ceremonial “first pitch” in this draft. George, the stage is yours.

I. George Will- Denim Jeans

Denim is the carefully calculated costume of people eager to communicate indifference to appearances. But the appearances that people choose to present in public are cues from which we make inferences about their maturity and respect for those to whom they are presenting themselves.

Wow. So what you’re saying is that you’re a dick?

Do not blame Levi Strauss for the misuse of Levis.

Blaming the Jew isn’t really my style.

When the Gold Rush began, Strauss moved to San Francisco planning to sell strong fabric for the 49ers’ tents and wagon covers. Eventually, however, he made tough pants, reinforced by copper rivets, for the tough men who knelt on the muddy, stony banks of Northern California creeks, panning for gold.

GRRRRR!

Today it is silly for Americans whose closest approximation of physical labor consists of loading their bags of clubs into golf carts to go around in public dressed for driving steers up the Chisholm Trail to the railhead in Abilene.

Hey, I may love jeans, but that doesn’t mean I wear them to play golf. That would be uncouth.

This is not complicated. For men, sartorial good taste can be reduced to one rule: If Fred Astaire would not have worn it, don’t wear it. For women, substitute Grace Kelly.

Thank God, because I look great in a top hat. It’s a timeless look, really.

A confession: The author owns one pair of jeans. Wore them once. Had to.

Didn’t want to. Felt I owed it to them.

Continue after the jump for the actual draft.

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