KSK 2008 NFL Prekkake: NFC South

flubby — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 20:03:54 +0000

ATLANTA FALCONS The Falcons are scrambling to avoid a blackout of this weekend’s home opener. Granted I’m a cynic, but I don’t think knocking ten bucks off the price of a nosebleed ticket is going to entice the worst sports fans in America to come to the Georgia Dome. However, I have a sure fire way for the Falcons to capitalize on its two largest demographics and ensure a sellout: 1) schedule Jeff Foxworthy vs. Ne-Yo vs. NWO Sting in a Monster Truck race; and 2) cancel that boring-ass football game.

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS The question on the minds of many Saints fans heading into this season: Is this finally going to be the year that Reggie Bush establishes himself as a standout offensive weapon? Of course, the answer to that question is a resounding “hell naw.” Bush is a bust—a spicy, Creole-style laissez les bon temps roulez bust—but a bust all the same.

Experts and fans alike mocked former Houston GM Charley Casserly mercilessly after the Texans made Mario Williams the number one pick in the 2006 draft. So, the real question is why hasn’t Casserly hasn’t used one of his informative yet hopelessly dull segments on CBS with James Brown as a platform to crow about his prescient selection. Go ahead, Charley, feel free to tell us all to lick your musty old taint. You’ve earned it!

Sit and spin, assholes!

TAMPON BAY BUCCANEERS Chris Simms gets a bad rap in these parts and he’s certainly done his share to warrant the abuse. Still, our shabby treatment is nothing compared to how his own team hosed him. The Bucs despite keeping 47 quarterbacks on their roster during the preseason and despite having no intention of keeping Simms on the final roster refused to release him until final cuts. Why would Jon Gruden do such a thing? Highly placed sources within the NFL, speaking to KSK on the condition of strict anonymity, have given us the inside scoop: Gruden is a dickhead bastard. There you have it!

CAROLINA PANTHERS I had a really bitchy Steve Smith barb I wanted to put here, but my fragile psyche couldn’t handle the possibility of getting my ass beat by a midget. Instead, here’s a recipe for no-bake cookies:

2 cups granulated sugar
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup milk
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
Pinch of salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 tablespoons peanut butter
3 cups quick oats

In large saucepan, combine sugar, butter, milk, cocoa and salt. Bring to boil over medium heat, stirring frequently. Continue boiling 3 minutes, stirring frequently.

Remove from heat. Stir in vanilla and peanut butter; stirring until peanut butter is melted. Add oats and mix well.

Drop by tablespoonfuls onto waxed paper. Let stand until firm. Store tightly covered. Makes approx. 3 dozen cookies.

Kissing Suzy Kolber » the double deuce

KSK 2008 NFL Prekkake: NFC South