Are these new this year? Holy crap, they’re good. I’ve eaten like 17 of these since last night.

I’m digging through my kids’ Halloween candy while watching the early games. The occasion has led to me to rate the 4pm games according the types of candy I find…

Minnesota at Green Bay – This game is the good candy that’s always gone within a day and a half of Halloween. Like Reece’s Cups or fun-size Snickers bars. Brett Favre, who actually throws fewer interceptions than you think, makes his return to Lambeau today. Didja see Fuzzy Thurston bad-mouth Favre on ESPN Sunday Countdown this morning? Until you’ve had an old man with an electronic voice box curse your very name, you really haven’t lived.

Oakland at San Diego – Sure the Raiders suck, but I like them. So this game is an acquired taste that others might not necessarily enjoy, like Laffy Taffy or mini Heath bars. ESPN Outside the Lines wants to dispel the notion that Raiders coach Tom Cable only likes beating men half his size– apparently he also enjoys beating women half his size too.

Sadly, none of my trick-or-treaters looked like this.

Jacksonville at Tennessee – Somebody gave my kid a bag of pretzels. Seriously, a goddam bag of pretzels. What kind of sociopath hands out bags of pretzels to kids on Halloween? Fuck you, Mr. Neighbor Man, and fuck the people at the Utz snack company for enabling this asshole. This game features the return of Vince Young to the Titans’ starting lineup. So it’s not just a bag of pretzels, it’s a bag of pretzels with a rat turd inside.