Kissing Suzy Kolber » thank you cleveland browns

KSK will now attempt a Cleveland Browns post devoid of jokes about Brady Quinn’s sexuality and/or Shaun Rogers’ girth

flubby — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 20:04:57 +0000

“Revenge of the Dawgs” is a sci-fi revenge flick set in an alternate reality where the world is a hellish dystopia. Wait a sec… upon closer inspection that’s turn-of-the-millennium Cleveland. Honest mistake. Actually, for something found on YouTube, this video isn’t half bad– sort of “Any Given Sunday” meets “Death Wish” meets “Omega Man”.

It’s fun to see the Fauxdell get his comeuppance. My only cavil: would it have been too much trouble to have the Dogfather say: “Right about now you are about to be possessed by the sounds of Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock”?

Fast-forward ten years– Cleveland has their Browns back, so you would think all would be right their fans. You would be wrong…

Joe DiNicola, who brought us his DaVinci like depiction of the event which spawned this blog’s nomenclature is back. This time he provided a screed to go along with his art…

Since the Browns return, our putrid play on the field is a direct correlation to lousy coaching and horrible player personnel men. We went from Palmer and Dwight Clark combo, to Butch Davis / Pete Garcia, to Romeo Crennel / Phil Savage…now this. Ted Kokonis is yet another rookie GM who gives Eric Mangini whatever he wants. I have christened the new duo Manfredo, part Mangini and part Fredo (”I’ gonna learn the casino business”).

They are now talking of keeping the inept Derek Anderson and trading Brady Quinn, because, get this, no one wants Anderson, doh. They dumped Winslow for a late second because they were afraid of what they were going to have to PAY him and got waste of space TE Robert Royal whom the TE starved Bills found expendable. We have let loose starters Sean Jones, Andre Davis, and Kevin Schaffer and have picked up some Jet scrubs and a “porkchop” guard. This 4th duo under the wing of the Lerner family proves you can have a lot of dollars and no sense.

Sounds like things are back to normal on the shores of Lake Erie. Behold Manfredo!

But can they bang cocktail waitresses two at a time?

[ HT: to reader Alex U. for the video link ]

Ruh Roh Romee-Row

Christmas Ape — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 19:19:00 +0000

Everyone seems to be pulling for the scrappy, defensively deprived Cleveland Browns to overtake the Steelers for the AFC North crown. Well, their vaunted offense is laying a Horse Ball sized egg in Cincinnati.

I bet Browns fans are pissed. Not as much as those who bet on the over in this game. Thought you were so smart, didn’t you?

Hey, Heath Miller is in the Endzone!

Christmas Ape — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 00:09:00 +0000

Only he’s blanketed by three Cardinals. Why not go ahead and throw it anyway? Maybe there’ll be a glitch like in Madden and the ball will go through one of the opposing players and materialize in Miller’s hands. Who knows? Life’s an adventure.

Oh, shit. One of the Cardinals did catch it. Well, just remember to show Tomlin your “Did I do bad?” face. He can’t get too mad. He is the one who refuses to use Najeh Davenport in short yardage situations. First and goal from the four? Let’s run it with Willie Parker twice up the gut. He’s sure to move the pile.

Speaking of Willie Parker: would you like to fumble a few more handoffs? Tiki Barber just called. No, no, allow me. I’ll hold the phone up to your ear so you can listen to him bitch about you stealing his schtick. It’s a nice phone. I’d hate for you to drop it, shithead.