For today’s mock draft we’re selecting scenic destinations within the continental United States. The topic came up when I expressed my opinion that Pebble Beach is the most beautiful place in America. Ufford quickly castigated me for thinking a place best known for its golf course and mansions could be on par with the country’s finest national parks. But what can I say? I’m incredibly shallow and I really like golf.

The idea is simple. You get one day at the geographic location of your choice, equipped with a four wheel drive vehicle and any supplies that will fit therein. Make your picks in the comments, but please wait for ten other commenters to pick before you go back for seconds. Oh, and the first person to take a Hawaiian island gets to wear the Big Daddy Dunce Cap. The draft order is as follows…

1. Flubby
2. Ape
3. Maj
4. Uff
5. Drew
6. Punte

“It’s like going to Mars– only slightly less remote.”

Flubby says it smells. Plus the park ranger always struck me as a bit of a dick. If a bear wants to help himself to a picnic basket I say that’s his right.

Basically 17 Mile Drive.

“A sanctuary from the hell of living in Twentynine Palms. I could leave behind a base of 15,000 Marines and in twenty minutes be climbing a rock on another planet.”

Drew- Grand Canyon

“I hear it’s pretty. And quite vast. Also, I can go there with Danny Glover after he’s saved me from being accosted in a sketchy part of LA.”

I’ve never been entirely sure which parts of Highway 1 are considered the PCH, but I know it’s quite lovely.

Reed: “When I was at the Grand Tetons my wife thought I was crazy because I took a picture of a buffalo turd that was size of a small wedding cake. I put my wallet next to the turd so there would be a frame of reference for the dozens of people I showed the picture to. ”

At this point in the draft we became sidetracked when Drew shared the following exchange from a Bill Simmons chat.

Reader: Really Bill? Ali coming back to win the title after being banned from the sport for religious convictions that prevented him from serving in a war that continues to effect the course of American history today, “comes close” to Tiger missing 5 months for a cavalcade of bimbos and a staged sex rehab?

Simmons: Here’s the big difference though: Everyone was rooting for Ali. He never came even 10% close to facing the scrutiny, vitriol and 24/7 news cycle microscope that Tiger will face.

I don’t think he’s ever been more wrong about anything.

Reader: Yes, I’m certain that in the early 1970s, a black man who refused to be called by his “slave name” was far better received by white America than Tiger is received in America today. Certain.

Simmons: You don’t know your Ali history. it’s true that White America was against him in the mid-60′s, but that shifted as America turned against Vietnam. By the time of the Ali-Frazier fight, Frazier was the “old guard” rep and Ali was the “new guard” rep. He had everyone under 35 rooting for him.

So it’s gone from “everyone” to “everyone under 35,” which is totally the same thing. Oh, and it’s also total bullshit.

“Perhaps not the best pick strictly in terms of natural beauty, but a day of snowboarding followed by a dip in natural hot springs sounds pretty good right now.”

Totally different than Pebble. This has golf and the Pacific coast, but…I don’t know how to finish this sentence. It’s just different!

Ah yes, the eastern portion of the country.

Flubby’s gonna find so much guano.

This handsome confection comes to us via Kendall’s Cakes.

WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It feels as if a weight has been lifted off the DC metro area’s collective shoulders. Vinny Cerrato, sworn enemy of all those who don’t hate the Redskins, is finally gone after resigning this morning. As sick as it sounds, this is probably the most satisfying moment Redskins fans have experienced in several years (decades?).

Before we go any further let me just say, ENJOY UNEMPLOYMENT YOU WEASELLY LITTLE FUCKWIT!

Jesus, that feels really good. REALLY FUCKING GOOD. It’s like all of my synapses are firing in unison. Endorphins are doing endorphiny things. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

/drips

Whew. Okay, enough celebrating. It’s time for some wild speculatin’! Who is going to be the Redskins new GM (or VP of whatever the fuck they want to call it)?

Bruce Allen – Jay Glazer is already reporting that the former Bucs GM and son of legendary Redskins coach George Allen is already in negotiations with Dan Snyder to be the team’s next GM. Because hey, it’s not like Snyder gives a shit about the Rooney Rule. They could side-step the whole “interview a minority candidate” thing by giving Allen a title like VP of Player Personnel. If Allen is the choice then it would only be natural for THIS GUY to become the team’s new head coach. BUT HE HAS A CONTRACT WITH ESPN! A meaningless, easily broken contract. Think of all the goodwill a Gruden hire would generate. Not for Redskins fans, because we’re happy enough as is, but for football fans at large who would surely celebrate anything that gets Gruden out of the MNF booth.

Mike Shanahan – Fuck that. If they were going to hire Shanahan they would have fired Zorn and kept Vinny.

Charley Casserly – This would be kind of awesome, but for it to happen Snyder would have to admit he was wrong to fire Casserly in the first place, and there’s no fucking way that happens.

Mike Holmgren – The timing of Vinny’s departure certainly makes you think Snyder has Holmgren on the mind. The former Seahawks boss wants to settle on a new destination by the end of the year, and he’s been getting pretty cozy with Cleveland. But again, fuck that. Do not want. The Redskins need to hire a new GM, which is why Allen is going to be the choice.

UPDATE: It’s going to be Allen.

Another week, and another demoralizing loss for the Redskins. As if things weren’t quite bad enough the team will now have to do without Clinton Portis for a while after the running back sustained a concussion in Sunday’s loss to the Falcons. But fear not, Redskins fans, because Danny and the Sarge (pictured above looking like assholes) know how to keep the offense running smoothly in Portis’ absence.

If you think their plan has anything to do with leaning heavily on the perfectly capable legs of Ladell Betts (93 yards and a touchdown on 16 touches in relief of Portis) then you obviously aren’t all that familiar with the brain-trust at Redskins Park.

/chokes on half-smoke

Damn, they managed to catch me off guard with that one. After all this time you’d think that nothing coming out of Ashburn could possibly surprise me, then they go and admit to something like this.

Let me be perfectly clear, the Redskins have NOTHING to gain by signing a malcontent prick halfway through the season. Especially one who averages 2.7 yards per carry. The man carries the football the way DeAngelo Hall tackles people (a hug is not a tackle!). And really, even if they were looking at the 2006 Larry Johnson, what is the fucking point? Do they think that this season is somehow salvageable? Do they think that running back depth is the real problem? DO THEY REALIZE THAT LEVI JONES IS THEIR STARTING LEFT TACKLE?

Dan Snyder, you need to break this shit down. Break it down to the foundation, then grab a jackhammer and a backhoe and go deeper. Then when you have a nice big hole, throw Vinny Cerrato in it and hire an actual GM to come in and start rebuilding the foundation (that way Vinny can still feel like he’s a part of things). Redskins fans won’t even care if the team goes 4-12 next year as long as you lose Vinny, ignore free agency, load up on draft picks, and use said picks on guys who play any position other than wide receiver, tight end, defensive back, running back, or quarterbacks (at least during the first day).

Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of Favre. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of Favre. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of Favre. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of Favre. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of Favre. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of Favre. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of Favre. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of Favre.

Tonight marks the debut of VH1′s The T.O. Show, which promises to offer a more intimate look at Terrell Owens with the help of his co-stars Monique Jackson and Kita Williams. The two publicists share the unenviable task of trying to humanize the NFL’s preeminent diva as he searches for love, happiness, and a place to live in the vast wasteland that is Buffalo.

As much as I want to dismiss the show as more tripe from an obnoxious personality and an unwatchable network I maintain a slight sliver of hope that this could be worthwhile. How long it takes them to quash that hope is anyone’s guess.

Consider this an open-thread to discuss the episode. I’ll post my running commentary in the morning, assuming I don’t swallow a bottle of hydrocodone to numb my disappointment.

In other TO news, guess who has a new cereal? That’s right, now you can start your day with a big bowl of TO’s (“Flesh-Eating Bacteria In Every Box!”), the most generic Buffalo Bill endorsed cereal since Flutie Flakes!

Other programming note of interest: Tonight is the season finale of Spike TV’s 4th and Long hosted by Michael Irvin. I’d make a joke about being all excited to find which player will win the honor of being cut by the Cowboys after the second day of training camp, but Ufford beat me to it.