Are we sure that’s still illegal? Titans quarterback Chris Simms was busted in the pre-dawn hours on charges of “driving while stoned,” according to the venerable New York Post. Everybody knows that smoking weed makes you a better driver, and there’s no indication given that police found any of the offending bud. Plus there’s a report from an unnamed source that Simms was slurring his speech. No, none of this adds up at all. Sorry, Post, but I’m ready to report that Simms was loopy on the Drank. Stop blaming innocent plants! [New York Post]

For today’s mock draft we’re selecting scenic destinations within the continental United States. The topic came up when I expressed my opinion that Pebble Beach is the most beautiful place in America. Ufford quickly castigated me for thinking a place best known for its golf course and mansions could be on par with the country’s finest national parks. But what can I say? I’m incredibly shallow and I really like golf.

The idea is simple. You get one day at the geographic location of your choice, equipped with a four wheel drive vehicle and any supplies that will fit therein. Make your picks in the comments, but please wait for ten other commenters to pick before you go back for seconds. Oh, and the first person to take a Hawaiian island gets to wear the Big Daddy Dunce Cap. The draft order is as follows…

1. Flubby
2. Ape
3. Maj
4. Uff
5. Drew
6. Punte

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This handsome confection comes to us via Kendall’s Cakes.

WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It feels as if a weight has been lifted off the DC metro area’s collective shoulders. Vinny Cerrato, sworn enemy of all those who don’t hate the Redskins, is finally gone after resigning this morning. As sick as it sounds, this is probably the most satisfying moment Redskins fans have experienced in several years (decades?).

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Another week, and another demoralizing loss for the Redskins. As if things weren’t quite bad enough the team will now have to do without Clinton Portis for a while after the running back sustained a concussion in Sunday’s loss to the Falcons. But fear not, Redskins fans, because Danny and the Sarge (pictured above looking like assholes) know how to keep the offense running smoothly in Portis’ absence.

If you think their plan has anything to do with leaning heavily on the perfectly capable legs of Ladell Betts (93 yards and a touchdown on 16 touches in relief of Portis) then you obviously aren’t all that familiar with the brain-trust at Redskins Park.

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Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of Favre. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of Favre. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of Favre. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of Favre. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of Favre. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of Favre. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of Favre. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of Favre.

Tonight marks the debut of VH1′s The T.O. Show, which promises to offer a more intimate look at Terrell Owens with the help of his co-stars Monique Jackson and Kita Williams. The two publicists share the unenviable task of trying to humanize the NFL’s preeminent diva as he searches for love, happiness, and a place to live in the vast wasteland that is Buffalo.

As much as I want to dismiss the show as more tripe from an obnoxious personality and an unwatchable network I maintain a slight sliver of hope that this could be worthwhile. How long it takes them to quash that hope is anyone’s guess.

Consider this an open-thread to discuss the episode. I’ll post my running commentary in the morning, assuming I don’t swallow a bottle of hydrocodone to numb my disappointment.

In other TO news, guess who has a new cereal? That’s right, now you can start your day with a big bowl of TO’s (“Flesh-Eating Bacteria In Every Box!”), the most generic Buffalo Bill endorsed cereal since Flutie Flakes!

Other programming note of interest: Tonight is the season finale of Spike TV’s 4th and Long hosted by Michael Irvin. I’d make a joke about being all excited to find which player will win the honor of being cut by the Cowboys after the second day of training camp, but Ufford beat me to it.