Many, many thanks go to video wunderkind Awful Announcing for providing this clip of Chad Johnson’s sideline interview with Suzy Kolber last night. See if you can follow Ocho Cinco’s serpentine logic during the course of this interview:

1. Johnson is disgruntled with the Bengals
2. Looking for guidance, Johnson talks to Ray Lewis
3. Johnson says Lewis helped him see “the big picture”
4. Johnson refuses to disclose what the big picture is, only saying this:

“The world is gonna get every bit of Dade County I got in me. If you don’t understand what that means, watch the Hurricanes of the 90’s.”

I’m pretty sure this means Chad Johnson will, like those Hurricanes, start off well, only to gradually fall into a horrible state of disrepair, culminating in an SI cover asking him to drop football entirely.

And then he’ll get arrested on multiple gun charges. Maybe even stab two people in a nightclub.

Enjoy your season, Bengal fans!