Bless you, Giants.

Bless you, ringier Manning. There are probably some positive words that can be spelled with the letters in your name.

Bill Simmons is in Brady’s hotel room already calling Manningham’s sideline catch even luckier than Tyree’s giant snatch. The Patriots now have a losing record in the Super Bowl. I won’t have to see Madonna and Jerry Seinfeld on my TV until their death tribute.

Before the Manningham catch, the longest play in the game was Ocho’s 21-yard reception. As the Hail Mary approached, Drew and I feared that a completed final throw would have been the worst of all conclusions, validating all the Myra Kraft dome-roof skypointing and false destiny bullsh*t that would have followed. Luckily Gromkowski pulled up short on the tip in the end zone and gloriously, that was it.

More to come. Most of it laughing at the Patriots.

The Giants decisively outplayed the Patriots in the first half. Bill Belichick displayed Andy Reid-ian clock management skills toward the end. His team doesn’t bother covering tight ends. The Pats defensive line was on rollerskates. Yet here we are with the Gritriots winning on the strength of a late gritdown from Danny Woodhead.

So now that the Patriots have survived that early onslaught, predictable game patterns dictate that New England has the edge to run away with it, even though Gronkowski has his requisite single catch for today. Still praying that the Giants pull this out for the usual reasons, but also because Simmons will never stop complaining about that Brady safety.

[gif via jose3030]

After two weeks of interminable hype, desperate casting for soft-focus storylines and looped footage of Super Bowl XLII, Super Bowl Sunday has arrived, a day that is mostly all the things I just mentioned plus a football game. We’ll get our Super Bowl live blog underway later this afternoon. In the meantime, more Peter King inanity to hold you over until the Puppy Bowl.

Not good fans, and therefore the usual assemblage of the uninitiated and members of Red Sox Nation who Peter King typically writes for in his weekly column, where any player who isn’t a big-name quarterback or one of his friends is surely being introduced to the nation for the first time. Who is this Cortez Kennedy? One of the defensive stalwarts of his era? A charismatic star who was frequently featured in national NFL promos? Or is he Seattle’s Starbucks quality control officer, who is tasked with enforcing the chain’s standards and dispatching the manager of any nationwide location that PK has suggested is serving watery, nutmegless coffee? ONLY ONE MAN KNOWS FOR SURE.

Finally, after a two week run-up that featured such prepossessing storylines as Hines Ward going to a strip club, Ben Roethlisberger singing “Piano Man” at a bar and a bunch of injured Packers players being upset for being excluded, then included with criticism, into a team photo, we finally have a football game to a decide a champion.

Green Bay fans also spent the break cribbing all the Steelers fan traditions that people find obnoxious. A Titletown Towel has been produced for the game by the same company that manufactures The Terrible Towel. Lil’ Wayne, who claims both the Packers and his hometown Saints as his teams, remixed “Black and Yellow” with the predictable enough title “Green and Yellow.” He makes sure to take a shot at Steelers corner Ike Taylor, who also hails from New Orleans. Clearly it’s all about Green Bay pride for Weezy.

No doubt nearly everyone who isn’t a Steelers fan is rooting against Pittsburgh getting a debatably dynastic third Super Bowl title in six years for any number of reasons, not the least of which is Ben Roethlisberger. A Steelers win would produce a bunch of facile and annoying Roethlisberger “redemption” stories, followed by twice as many indignant and contrarian pieces about how saying anything even halfway complimentary about Roethlisberger ignores the unforgettable evil of two rape allegations that produced no criminal charges. As if anyone actually forgot that they happened. Meanwhile, every outlet save Jezebel has been content to ignore that the Packers have on their roster an alleged rapist who is still being investigated. But don’t let Brandon Underwood ruin your wholesome anti-rapist rooting interest, America.

A Green Bay victory would stick in the Ol’ Dongslinger’s craw and make his lone career Super Bowl victory that much less impressive, which would be nice. But that line of reasoning neglects that Favretard Green Bay fans gleefully enabled that prima donna asshole for years and years without compunction. 80 percent of them would still accept him as starter tomorrow even if Rodgers wins today. That’s not gonna be enough to sway anyone to back the Steelers, but just something to think about when you see five million fat cheeseheads imitate Rodgers’ title belt celebration if the Pack wins.

Oh, and this very well might be the last meaningful scab-free NFL game until 2012. You should probably make the most of it.

NFL owners are gathered today to vote on the location of the 2014 Super Bowl, and the buzz is that it will go to the new stadium shared by the Jets and Giants. The proposal has its share of detractors in the media, from doughy KSK punching bag Peter King to self-important rumor monger Mike Florio. Their primary argument against a cold-weather Super Bowl: “Hurrrr, it’s gonna be cold” (exact quote). To which I counter:

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I could see those sombreros being hindrance once the game begins. But you know how the Mexicans love the Breesus.

All week, it seemed that the Saints fans would easily overwhelm the fat humps in the stands today, but we failed to account that each fanbase would reflect the character of their hometown. The Who Datters showed up early in the week and partied late into the nights. The Colts fans showed up yesterday and in many cases this morning. Efficient, focused and obscenely obese. Very, very obese. Also, someone should have told them the jersey and khaki shorts look wasn’t a requirement for admission.

For those around, I am liveblogging this game – just not for KSK. Swing by The Sporting Blog if you want to follow along. Be advised that language restrictions are considerably more strict around those parts, and fewer comments will get through as Chris Littmann and I actually have to pay close attention to the proceedings and work. Should the paucity of dick jokes not gibe with your live blogging tastes, there’s always the comment section here. Or, y’know, you could talk to the other people at your party.

Miami is of course the place to be this week, with locals and visitors taking advantage of the sun and fun before tonight’s spectacle. Unlike our own Mr. Ape we are unable to experience the scene first hand, so instead here’s a brief photo tour of goings on in south Florida.

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CHRIS McKENDRY: And now we turn to our men in the field, NFL insiders Adam Schefter and Chris Mortensen. Gentlemen, welcome. There’s a lot of discussion about Colts defensive lineman Dwight Freeney’s ankle. Mort, what have you heard about Freeney and should we expect to see him play in the Super Bowl?

MORT: Well Freeney was listed as questionable on Sunday’s injury report with that ligament tear in his ankle, but my sources tell me that Freeney is getting treatment for the swelling, and that despite some pain in that ankle, I’m told that Freeney will be starting for the Colts on Sunday. And also, I just spoke to–

SCHEF: So that means he won’t play, right?

MORT: Uh, I’m sorry? Read the rest of this entry »

It’s Super Bowl week, which means Bodog has unleashed their annual cavalcade of ridiculous prop bets. There’s something here for everyone, up to and including people with a passing interest in the game itself. Let’s take a look at some of this year’s more enticing offers.

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