- Spotted by reader Brendan at what I can only presume was Sunday night’s game. Though I must say that’s an alarming disregard of portion control. According to the FDA, an entire bag of dicks contains as many as 12 servings. A heart smart suggestion: Start with a handful of dicks. If you’re still hungry after that, fill up on ass roughage.

- Just as Tim Tebow shows that there’s no finer way to venerate Your Lord and Ball and Chain, Jesus Christ, than to pretend He’s your wife, there’s no better way to honor Tebow than with a hulking back tattoo, replete with XTREME SERIFS. Those things are pretty sharp. You could probably smite God’s option offense naysaying enemies with them. [via]

- Behold the triumphant girlish squeals of Fitzmagic. Probably gonna be a lot fewer of these now that Fred Jackson is likely done for the season. [via]

- Michael Strahan’s “FOX NFL Sunday “colleagues surprised him on Monday with a gap-toothed cake to celebrate his 40th birthday. FOX employees tried this once with Condi Rice, but Pat Robertson turned getting the gap piece into a racial thing.

Michael Strahan: I’sss my dissstinct pleasure like to welcome ya’lls to my new show, STOMPING. YOU. OUT. … at night. We’re gonna try do our comedy thing, have some fun and maybe learn something about the same time.

Ronnie The Band Leader: Youse a funny motherfucker, Michael.

Strahan: I ain’t told no jokes yet.

Ronnie: BAHAHAHAHA! That’s rich! Ain’t told no jokes! You don’t even need writers.

Strahan: Hehhh, aight man.

Okay. Let’sss welcome my hilariousss sidekick on the show, you might know him asss the the gunssslinger, MAH MAN… Brett Favre!

[Show's theme plays]

Strahan: I think it’s gonna be a good thing we gotsss here. Me and you? We got a report and shit.

Favre: A rapport?

Strahan: You with your fucking French name would know how to pronounsssssse that shit.

Ronnie: Ha! French! Ha! Killed it!

Favre: So which guests do we have tonight?

Strahan: Oh, we got some guests, but firsss thing’s firsss.

Favre: What’s that?

Strahan: Bitch, you know exactly what I mean. Drop yo’ ass on the floor.

Favre: I thought we agreed not to do this.

Strahan: We did. But I disssagree with our agreement. People, you remember how Favre fell hisss assss down to let me git my sack record. Well, beginning a’ each show, pretty boy here gonna fall his ass on the ground.

Favre: But it’s humiliating.

Strahan: How you think it look for me? Bring you out here in front a’ all thessse peoplesss, then you not fall down? Ludicrousss.

Ronnie: A fuckin’ disgrace is what it’d be. OH!

Favre: [Sighs] I knew I should’ve taken that analyst gig.

[Favre stands out of chair, takes two steps toward audience then collapses onto the floor]

Strahan: Hahaha. Exsssssellent! We got a great show for you this evening, we got Natasha Bedingfield and that hot bitch from that reality show. Whatever, she hot. Be right back.

Now get off stage, Favre!