Armen Keteyian’s investigation into the death of former Titans quarterback Steve McNair has ignited renewed skepticism surrounding the apparent murder/suicide. While revelations about the alleged shooter and her relationship with the young man who provided her with the murder weapon may be old news to the police tasked with investigating the crime, it has opened the door for outside observers to don their sleuthing hats. One such amateur crime solver has taken to Twitter to air his suspicions. Good suspicions. Lofty suspicions.

You know what’s a reallystrange twist? Lemon in your coffee!

Only in LA, people!

Open like the bar at Amanda Bowers’s wedding (congrats, kiddos, and enjoy the illy sampler pack).

Those two exchanged more texts than Brett and I did all of last season.

Smells like Italian roast, with just a hint of…MURDER.

Seriously though, how many calls/texts is too many? If they had exchanged 25 texts would your suspicions wane?

If I buy a gun can we discuss my theory that McNair was murdered by the Freemasons? I am not a crackpot.

Titans Fan: It still doesn’t seem real. Even now, a few days after the fact. I just can’t fathom that the greatest player in Titans history is gone forever. It’s not fair. He was someone who gave so much to our team and to our town. For him to be murdered in cold blood, to be taken away from us without warning, is something we’ll never get over. I’ve had a few friends ask me what Steve McNair meant to Nashville. And I tell them, think of what Brett Favre means to Green Bay. Think of what Ted Williams means to Boston. Think about what Mario Lemieux means to Pittsburgh. Even then, I’m not sure you really get a sense of just how strong the bond was between McNair and us. He gave us everything he had, and I only hope that we did the same in return for him.

(knock on door)

Hmm. That’s odd. I wasn’t expecting any visitors…

(door flies open)

Tommy: YOU FACK! HOW DAY-UH YOU TRY AND CAMPAY-UH YAR FACKIN’ HAHHHHTACHE TO OW-UHS!

Titans Fan: I’m just trying to process my grief.

Tommy: YOU CAN PRAWCESS MY FACKIN’ CAWK! No one cay-uhs about yar dahhkie quartahback! If it’s Tawmmy Brady playing in that Supah Bowl, Kevin Dyson gets in the end zone! Because he would have had ow-uh powahful chee-ahs behind him! NO ONE DENIES THIS!

Titans Fan: Look, this isn’t about wins and losses.

Tommy: Good thing, becawse you people ahhh LOSAHS! Comparing yar dahhkie QB’s death to that of TEDDY FACKIN’ BALLGAME? YOU GOT SAM FACKIN’ NARVE, PONYSMOKAH! Last man to bat fackin’ .400. What kind of history does yar Mistah Far Holes have to beat that? No othah fanbase has had to grieve like THE LEGENDARY BAWSTON FAITHFUL. You don’t know what it was like to lose Len Bias! THE WOUNDS AHH STILL FRESH!

Titans Fan: You weren’t even alive when he died.

Tommy: AND THAT’S THE GREATEST TRAGEDY OF AWL! You gawt to see yar… (snickers)… dahkie hero play! I AM LEFT TO JUST PICK UP THE PIECES! Don’t you evah fackin’ tawk about Lenny Bias again. TOO SOON! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT! Nawt to mention Reggie Lewis’ hahhht attack! Sure, that dahkie nevah compay-uhed to Bird. BUT HE WAS OW-UH DAHHHKIE!

Titans Fan: I think I’d like you to leave.

Tommy: And what about when Larry fackin’ Bird dies? YOU CAN’T TELL ME I’M NOT DEVASTATED BY THAT IDEA!

Titans Fan: But he’s still alive.

Tommy: I AM GRIEVING IN ADVANCE! But you wouldn’t know anything about that, BECAUSE YOU AHHH NAWT A TRUE FAN! Pfft. You Titan faggots have been around far how long? Since 2005? YOU HAVE NO HISTORY! I’VE BEEN A PATS DIEHAHHHD SINCE AT LEAST 2001!

Titans Fan: The Titans have been around much longer than that.

Tommy: It doesn’t MATTAH! Where does yar faggot team play? Nashville? Fackin’ Awpry? NO ONE CAY-UHS ABOUT YAR SMAWLL MAHHHKET TEAM! Yar fackin’ Arena League dahkie quahtahback deserved what he gawt! He’ll nevah be as gutty as PAWL FACKIN PIERCE!

Titans Fan: I’m calling the police.

Tommy: Go ahead. They can’t even find your QB’s shootah! HAHAHAHAHA! Bawston PD woulda found the dahkie that did this in a hahhhhtbeat! And then threw him in the Chahhhles Rivah! Hey, I gawt a question far yah. Who shawt Steve McNay-uh?

Titans Fan: I don’t know.

Tommy: WHO FACKIN’ CAY-UHS? BAHAHA. That dahkie wasn’t even any good! He was overrated! The fackin’ Pats were clearly the best team in the league that yee-uh, despite they-ah 8-8 record. THAT’S AWN YOU, PETE CARROLL, YOU CALIFORNIA FAGGOT! Billy Belichick coaches that team, and we’re the champs! THAT’S A COLD HAHHHD FACT! EVERYONE KNOWS THIS!

Titans Fan: Please leave.

Tommy: Okay, I’ll leave yar little faggot town. BUT YOU DON’T YOU TRY AND OVAHSHADOW OW-UH GRIEF AGAIN! Oh, Lenny. You could have been a stah! We would have loved you almost as much as one of ow-uh white playahs! I’ll nevah get ovah you! FACK YOU! YANKEES SACK!

As Nashville police try and sort through the sad details of Steve McNair’s murder, various media outlets have stumbled over themselves to get ahead of the story, thus resulting in a rare perfect storm of retarded speculation and braindead theories about the circumstances surrounding the star QB’s demise. Well folks, no one covers a major event as poorly as we at KSK do. If you’re going to read speculation about McNair that is clearly false, you deserve only the DUMBEST of theories and predictions. Here now, is some of our very finest non-detective work on the matter.

-It’s entirely possible that Kerry Collins will now begin drinking Barbicide again.

-Those aren’t bullet holes. They’re precision Jeff Fisher fist pumps.

-Jeff Fisher is going mustacheless this season in silent tribute. Book it.

-Could the Titans be looking into an organization-wide ban on extramarital affairs? Maybe!

-Mark our words: Nate Washington will be too distraught to drop passes with his hands. He’ll just let them clang off his helmet.

-We have reason to believe that Bob was tired of being the “other” McNair in NFL circles. Makes you wonder…

-It’s entirely possible that the gun was planted on the scene. But who did it? Well, here’s a guess: Chris Chandler. Think about it.

-Yes, McNair was shot several times… but only ONCE in the head. Let’s not rule out the possibility that McNair killed himself.

-Jevon Kearse hasn’t logged onto MySpace since July 1. HOW CONVENIENT.

-Johnny Cash did it just to watch him die.

-Adrian Veidt is the one behind all these celebrity murders

-You know who’s been oddly silent in the wake of this alleged tragedy? The reverse vampires.

-Remember, Nashville is the center of the country music industry. Let’s not rule out Travis Tritt.

-Word on the street is Peyton never did want to share that 2003 MVP…

-Saleh Kazemi? Sounds like a Persian name to me. Could this be part of a far and wide ranging crackdown on potential Iranian dissidents in the wake of that country’s rigged elections?

-Steve McNair was shot in Nashville. NASHville… Nash Bridges! Which starred Don Johnson… Johnson… JOHNSON & JOHNSON… No more tears! No More Tears was an album by Ozzy Osbourne, who is married to Sharon Osbourne, who is the host of America’s Got Talent… AMERICA’s Got Talent… which is our version of Britain’s Got Talent…

SUSAN FUCKING BOYLE DID THIS!

Okay, here’s the requisite Steve McNair update, as if you haven’t already gotten the details 800 times while watching SportsCenter on loop.

The woman found dead with McNair was Sahel Kazemi, a 20-year-old waitress who had been arrested for DUI (with McNair in the car) two days earlier.  McNair’s body was riddled with bullets; she suffered a single gunshot to the head, and police found a pistol nearby.  Police are not looking for any suspects, and conventional wisdom suggests it was murder-suicide.  The two are pictured here in a photo that TMZ claims was taken about three months ago.

None of this is cheerful news, of course, but it’s not like there were going to be new details that would make anyone less dead.  Our best wishes go to the McNairs, the Titans organization, and the NFL family — except Roger Goodell.  That guy’s a dick.

MORE:

SI: Standard news story
Tennessean: Full report with an interview of Kazemi’s ex-boyfriend
TMZ: Photos of McNair and Kazemi

Holy crap: Steve McNair was found dead in Nashville, shot in the head and one of the victims of an apparent double homicide.  We say “apparent,” but let’s be honest: this is a widespread conspiracy that shall henceforth be known as the Summer of Celebrity Death.

McNair was drafted third overall by the then-Houston Oilers out of Alcorn State and guided the Titans to their first and only Super Bowl appearance.  He was a four-time Pro Bowler, the NFL co-MVP in 2003, one of the toughest quarterbacks in memory, and — perhaps most impressively — the first Ravens quarterback to not totally suck.

Rest in peace, Air McNair.  Had you not already retired, we’re sure you could play through this one, too.