Hey again, it’s your ol’ pal Peyton Manning. Now, some folks are making a big to-do over the fact that I haven’t been entirely forthright about the number of surgeries I had before the start of the season. At the time, I didn’t want to tip my hand to a competition always in search of an upper hand, but now I feel the freedom to come forward and say what really went down.

You see, I simply had a second procedure to clear the remaining bursa sac infection in my left knee. Nothing that could endanger my chances of playing, but a surgery nonetheless. That’s not something you want to divulge to an opponent hoping to key on a weakness. Heck, if I knew a free safety had a gimpy leg, I’d have MarHar put another six bullets in that thing. That’s just the nature of the game.

Oh, and I also had a double mastectomy.

Figured it being Breast Cancer Awareness Month and all, I could finally end the speculation from all the fellas wondering why my jugs haven’t been all flouncy and supple this year. Truth is, I had to have those suckers loped off. ‘Fraid so. Luckily, I’ve been undergoing titty reconstruction in the weeks since, so the girls are almost as good as new. With renewed confidence, I’m playing like the Pey-Pey of old. Joseph Addai said he can hardly tell the difference. Hell, the beard thinks they’re as good as hers.

So take that, cancer. Pey-Pey got one over on you good. You too Lance Armstrong. You’re not the only athlete to overcome to the disease and play on. You’ll be first in line to receive a PeytonStrong cockring.