NOTE: we’ll be live-blogging the Sunday night game tonight, for better or worse. Likely worse.

So, this is historic, if there are historic records for mediocrity: the 7-8 Rams play the 6-9 Seahawks in Qwest for the NFC West Division title. The Rams seem on the rise, led by rookie Sam Bradford and an aggressive defense. The Seahawks are in trouble: Matt Hasselbeck is a game-time decision, and if Charlie Whitehurst starts, the Seattle defense gets downgraded from “anemic” to “Panthers.” However, if the Seahawks win, they will be the first sub-.500 team in modern NFL history to make the playoffs. If they lose, they’ll likely get a top-10 pick in the draft. WIN-WIN, BABY!

Meanwhile, there are two ten-win teams in the NFC who will miss the playoffs. Can we all be grown-ups and try not to complain about this too much? It’s unfortunate for the Buccaneers and Giants, but plenty of teams have finished 10-6 and not made the playoffs: the Browns in 2007, the Chiefs in 2005, the Dolphins in 2003, and both the Eagles and 49ers in 1991. (It even happened to the Seahawks in 1986, but that was when the playoff system regularly screwed 10-6 teams, so the comparison isn’t very apt.)

I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry the NFC West sucks. There are more worthy teams for the playoffs, but the NFC West has to send ONE team, and this is as close to a real rivalry as the NFC West can give us. This may not have the hatred you see in the NFC East, but I can assure you all that I hate the Rams more than any team but the Steelers. I get ill thinking about the highlights that NBC is sure to dredge up tonight: the 2004 season, in which the 9-7 Seahawks won the division (losing twice to the Rams in the process, once in overtime) but lost to the 8-8 Rams in the first round of the playoffs, 27-20, when Bobby Engram dropped a pass in the end zone to end the game. Can’t wait to relive that one! Guhhhhhhhhh.

Guhhhhhhhh for all of us, really. But at least Saints fans can enjoy it: next week, New Orleans will deliver a deserved ass-whipping to the winner of this game. So there’s that. Now let’s get through this.

We have some football on this football podcast today.

I had a chance to talk to Jason Sehorn last week; Sehorn was in New York promoting Captain Morgan’s 1 Million Poses. You probably remember Sehorn for his 10 years in the NFL with the Giants and Rams; these days he’s doing color commentary for CBS’s college football coverage. We discussed his feelings on Mike Shanahan’s handling of Donovan McNabb, his conservative political leanings, and what it’s like to wake up next to Angie Harmon every morning. No, really. I asked him that.

We also had a chat with David Matthews of Deadspin. He and I met Jim Bouton (BOW-ton) earlier in the week, and he taught us how to throw a knuckleball. I wish he would have taught me how to pronounce his last name.

Also, Amber reads the news, Old-Timey NFL Picks for Week 10, Shakey, and more.

Listen here or on the embeddable player, download the ep here (right-click, “Save As…”) and subscribe to our podcast RSS feed and HOUSE OF PUNTE on iTunes.

It’s that time of year again, when we make bad predictions about the upcoming season and bad jokes, all in the same post. Here’s the first one, about the dreadful and boring NFC West. It helps to start at the bottom. At least that’s what your mom said.

THE BLOODBUZZ OHIO THAT IS THE ARIZONA CARDINALS

Key Additions: RESPECT!, Horse Balls, Alan Faneca

Key Departures: Anquan Boldinbot, Kurt Warner’s drawing of Jesus

Five Fast Facts About The Cardinals
- Jay Feely came out vociferously in support of Arizona’s contentious immigration law. Because who wants possibly accurate kickers to be coming into this country? I’M WATCHING YOU ZENDEJAS!
- Derek Anderson isn’t so much a flash in the pan as rancid grease that was once useful in cooking, but has since congealed, begun to smell and ate your dog.
- Having taken his public ribbing of Albert Haynesworth too far, Darnell Dockett owes the world an apology when Albert takes to the shower for comedic revenge on Dockett.
- Alan Faneca says triceratops definitely exist because he is one and he’ll be damned if you deny him.
- LaRod Stephens-Howling Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie Armin Mueller-Stahl Soleil Moon Frye The End

Vegas Over/Under for 2010: 7.5 wins

Verdict: UNDER

Sorry, brahs. Relevance was fun while it lasted.

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS

Key Additions: Ted Ginn Jr., David Carr WHAT A HAUL! C’MON, LEAVE SOME FOR EVERYBODY ELSE!

Key Departure: Isaac Bruce (possibly dead)

Five Fast Facts About The 49ers:
- Jehuu Caulcrick will be the mayor of Gristledown Junction, if ever the rusticated podunk I have imagined just for his name becomes reality.
- I realize Vernon Davis was raised in the D.C. area, but someday a benevolent soul is gonna sit the youngblood down and inform him that other cities indeed have strippers, too. And good ones at that!
- Guard Tony Wragge isn’t aware of oncoming danger unless he hears a “ruh roh”.
- Taylor Mays is tailor made for ban punny headlines.
- After Glen Coffee watches one of those Foundation For a Better Life commercials, he momentarily pines for a wholesome life of substance before setting his pile of gasoline-soaked Bible-clutching dead fetuses on fire with an already lit dead hooker .

Vegas Over/Under for 2010: 8.5 wins

Verdict: OVER

Despite very clearly being a quarterback away from contending for several years now, the 49ers are content to keep bringing baby hands Alex Smith back for another try. This year he’ll be joined by fellow no. 1 overall bust David Carr. All they need now is JaMarcus to be brought in to fill out the trio. At the same time, the rest of the division is truly horrid. So unless the Seahawks turn out to be much better than Pete Carroll’s NFL history and broken down Matt Hasselbeck would lead me to expect, the Niners are the call here.

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS

“Let’s see a NCAA compliance officer STOP THIS!”

Key Additions: Leon Washington, Golden Tate

Key Departures: Patrick Kerney, Walter Jones, Nate Burleson

Five Fast Facts About The Seahawks:
- Lawyer Milloy is the only player on the roster to have played for Carroll during his last stint as a pro coach. He’s having fun capturing the “before” expressions of his teammates.
- Charlie Whitehurst is the name of a shitty transitional quarterback if ever I heard one. That said, keep an eye on UFL CHAMPION J.P. LOSMAN!
- Oh, the indignity! Matt Hasselbeck had to take a drug test during the offseason. And there was a man in the room! And the toilet wasn’t festooned with gold leaf and cherub wings! Rose petals did not issue forth! SAVE HIM, WON’T YOU, ANDY HUTCHINS!?
- This team deprived us the chance to see what “swaggerjack” inventor LenDale White’s Madden swagger rating would be. May none of you ever get a Top Pot maple bar again.
- Sean Morey retired two days before the start of training camp. Woohoo! One fewer player from Brown for Berman to dribble his sausage gravy cum all over the ESPN news crawl.

Vegas Over/Under For 2010: 7.5 wins

Verdict: UNDER

Stupid half win, smugly preventing me from giving them the push at 7-9 this roster so richly deserves. Nevertheless, I could be completely off base and the Seahawks, as opposed to the 49ers, could be lucky NFC West team to eke out eight or nine wins to secure the right to host a first-round home playoff loss. We’ll see how the drama unfolds.

ST. LOUIS RAMS

Key Additions: Sam Bradford, TAX CHEAT MARTYR-NAMED MOOSLIM MAJORITY OWNER Shahid Kahn

Key Departure: Marc Bulger (had to put something here).

Five Fast Facts About The Rams:
- They held a contest to rename their mascot. They did not chose Randy “The Ram” Robinson. FOR SHAMMMEEEE!
- Tackle Joe Gibbs will block for the counter trey on every play, even field goal attempts. AND THEY WILL LOVE HIM FOR IT IN THE DMVEEE, COOCH!
- Mardy Gilyard is only doing the NFL receiver thing until his half hat company takes off.
- Keith Null in set formation remains a rare crossover math/football meme.
- In an ironic twist, I am overpursuing a Chris Hovan punchline.

Vegas Over/Under For 2010: 5 wins

Verdict: UNDER

They bad.

Newly signed Jags receiver Torry Holt is entering the twilight of a successful career, but he hasn’t forgotten where he got his NFL start. No, Holt takes no bitterness with him to Jacksonville and to show it he dashed off a letter to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch thanking the ownership, as well as his coaches, teammates and the one Rams’ fan (Nelly?). Ever the considerate Midwesterners, the people of St. Louis aren’t ones to let a good deed go unrecognized, so they decided to respond in kind.

Read the rest of this entry »

HOUSTON — St. Louis Rams receiver Donnie Avery yesterday spoke out against the ills of domestic violence, but stopped short of making a true condemnation of the horrendous act that many believe is all-too pervasive in communities of concentrated disadvantage.

“Yeah, I mean, it’s a terrible thing. Been in the news a bunch since the Rihanna stuff came out,” Houston native Avery said. “It’s something I try to speak out against.”

He said domestic abuse is a phenomenon that affects people of all backgrounds, but crops up especially in economically distressed areas.

“Unfortunately you’d see it all the time around here growing up. It’s something I wish wasn’t part of the community, but it’s a sad fact of life. Luckily it’s not something I experienced in my home, but if I know it’s going on, I’m gonna put a stop to it.”

When asked by a reporter how he would do so, Avery replied that he would call the police.

Asked what if it were a situation in which the police could not arrive fast enough to resolve the problem, he said, “I might try to intervene myself.”

When pressed about a scenario in which he tried to intervene, but the attacker was armed and he was not, Avery answered, “Look, man, what does this have to do with me? I’ve never done that stuff.”

A review of Avery’s criminal records reveals that he has not yet been arrested on any assault charges. Nor, however, does it indicate that he has put a stop to any domestic assaults that were in progress. Criminology experts say that could be just as bad.

The receiver registered 53 receptions for 674 yards and caught three scores in 2008, his first in the NFL, though his achievements clearly didn’t give him the confidence needed to take a stand on demonstrably abhorrent behavior. Calls made to the Rams’ front office inquiring as to why they’d keep so craven a coward on their roster were not returned.

Woken up at his residence at 3:18 a.m. after a reporter jimmied the lock to his back porch, thus gaining access to his six-bedroom home, Avery wiped his eyes and made a threatening gesture, but provided no further comment.

Probably the only thing better in life than watching two teams in pads try to beat the shit out of each other is watching two guys without pads try and do the same. I don’t know what it is about football that gets people’s pugilistic passions pumping. Maybe the alcohol? Yeah. Probably the alcohol.

The Undercard.

Dude in Chargers jersey (hey–throwbacks!) takes issue with the congregation’s assessment that the San Diego Zoo is no longer America’s Favorite Zoo. Tempers flare. Beer is not dropped.

The Main Event.

You can catch the preamble to this little skirmish in some other clips, but this is where it all comes to a head. It’s like COPS, but without the cops.

Do we still have time to get an NFL team in LA for 2007?