I know, I know… I’m as surprised as any of you, but yet here we are. What a crazy old world. Ginn became the first player in league history to score two 100+ yard touchdowns of any type in a game. And hoo boy, is he fast. Watch…
Last year, the Lions set the benchmark for failure to which all future failures will be compared, at least until the NFL expands its schedule to 18 games and some woebegone franchise (Redskins?) finds a way to lose that many games in a season. This year, the Rams look every bit as bad – possibly even worse – than that Detroit team from a year ago. Other than a matchup at currently winless Tennessee later in the season, this Sunday represents the Rams’ best chance at getting in the win column, seeing as how six of their final eight games pit them against teams with a .500 or better record. As fate would have it, it’s the Lions who could be the guardians of another epic NFL fail. So, WHO YA GOT?
Same Ol’ Sorry Ass Rams____________________2008 Detroit Lions
Point differential through seven games
-151_________________________________-98
Number of times shutout
Twice_______________________________Zero
Is there an inconvenient crisis among the prominent industry in town that will lead to innumerable painful bailout jokes associated with the team’s horrid play?
Thankfully not (but they’d still like jobs)______________Oooohhhhh yeah
Are they responsible for Nelly or Kid Rock?
Nelly_____________________________Kid Rock
Pictoral approximation of failure
Medical failure analog
Kidney failure________________________Rectal prolapse
Meager redeeming quality
Avoided Rush Limbaugh as owner (through no fault of their own)______Suckered Dallas into paying big for Roy Williams
Finishing move
Laying down and dying quietly (on top of an animal)_________________Necrophilia fodder
R: If Tom Coughlin can give his son-in-law a starting offensive line job, he certainly
can make his dog an assistant coach.
NY Giants at New Orleans A match-up of undefeateds and a possible NFC Championship game preview. The Saints have been impressive on both sides of the ball this season, while the Giants have generally feasted on inferior competion. However, I am of the “show-and-prove” school of thought. The Giants are the proven commodity here until the Saints knock them off. Asked about his first professional game in the city where he grew up, Eli Manning said “This is the building where Daddy used to play. Why does it smell like pee-pee?”
Baltimore at Minnesota After starting 3-0, the Ravens will be hard pressed to avoid their third straight loss. Meanwhile, Vikes WR Bernard Berrian briefly tweeted a picture of a nekkid lady in the shower. Unfortunately for us, he yanked it shortly thereafter, explaining that it was posted by mistake. Sarah Spain recreates the picture in question on her blog, although not in the manner you might hope :( I bet it was just like “Catholic High School Girls in Trouble” (nsfw, duh).
Houston at Cincinnati The Bengals’ home sellout streak reaches 47 games today, thanks in no small part to Chad Ochocinco and his corporate friends at Motorola. The Texans disappointing 2-3 start owes largely to an abysmal running game. If you don’t believe me, just ask the guy in your fantasy league that drafted Steve Slaton. Protip: avoid drafting midgets in early rounds.
Detroit at Green Bay After some picked Green Bay to make it to the Super Bowl this season, they’ve stumbled to a 2-2 start, largely due to a anemic offensive line. Fortunately for the Pack, they had last week off and will face push-overs such as the Lions, Browns and Buccaneers over the next four games. Matthew Stafford won’t be playing today. So if you were considering whether to start him… your season is already FUBAR and you should probably just drink heavily.
Cleveland at Pittsburgh Steelers RB Rashard Mendenhall will start today despite having the flu all week. Normally this would be cause for concern, but they’re playing the doo-doo Browns. Pittsburgh could start Rocky Bleier and they would still win. NFL Network showed`Big Ben arriving at Heinz Stadium today wearing a Bob Marley tshirt. “HARF HARF, Ben liked dog movie.”
Carolina at Tampa Bay While today’s slate of early games represent a considerable improvement over last week, the bottom of the schedule it still pretty dreadful. See e.g. ….
Kansas City at Washington “This pot is so good right now.”- Chris Cooley, on NFL Network, showing off the pottery wheel and artwork he keeps in his garage. Apparently, the Redskins tight end is really into making vases and what have you. Mr. & Mrs. Cooley aren’t the most inhibited couple so I was half-expecting to see their version of “Ghost”. No dice.
St. Louis at Jacksonville The Jags were violated by the Seahawks 41-0 last week. Look for them to take their frustrations out on St. Louis. One of the best burns in football history was back in the 90s when then-49er Ken Norton, Jr. referred to their hapless division rival as “the same ol’ sorry ass Rams”. That tag stuck for quite a while before fading from memory as the “The Greatest Show on Turf” rose to prominence. But now we have our SOSA Rams back. Long live the Same Ol’ Sorry Ass Rams!
Enjoy the games. Drew will be around later for the 4pm tilt.
