Yes, we all know that the Pro Bowl — the actual game — is a lame substitute for NFL football, a Hawaiian vacation for good NFL players who play like they’re on a Hawaiian vacation. But the Pro Bowl roster, which was released today, actually kinda matters. Players have contract incentives to make the Pro Bowl, and more importantly, we fans get to bitch about how the selection process snubbed more deserving players. Let’s take a look:

NFC Offense

QB: Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees, Eli Manning
RB: LeSean McCoy, Matt Forte, Frank Gore
WR: Calvin Johnson, Larry Fitzgerald, Baby-Punchin’ Steve Smith, Greg Jennings
FB: John Kuhn
TE: Jimmy Graham, Tony Gonzalez
OT: Jason Peters, Joe Staley, Jermon Bushrod
OG: Jahri Evans, Carl Nicks, Davin Joseph
C: Ryan Kalil, Scott Wells

The most egregious snub here is Manning getting the nod over Matt Stafford, who threw 10 more touchdowns and two fewer INTs on more pass attempts than Manning. Stafford also had a higher completion percentage and quarterback rating. And his team won more games. And his face isn’t all “DURRRRR” every time you look at him. Hell, Cam Newton belongs on that roster ahead of Eli.

On the other hand, Eli led the NFC in being related to Archie and Peyton Manning. Suck on that, best season by a rookie quarterback in NFL history.

Read the rest of this entry »

Yeah, dooced.

Anyone who had 48 hours in the Ape Gets Fired For Coming Out On KSK Pool, please claim your prize of Cunt Puncher tattoo at the door. (link NSFW)

Upon sacking, I was told that I brought “discredit to the paper” with my choosing to drink at bars in my free time. Any good journo knows to keep the flask in the desk. That NFL PostSecret series also garnered far too few comments for their liking.

So now in lieu of a three-hour commute and tedious busywork, I can make the same amount of money writing the Further Adventures of Marmalard from my apartment. Sure, health insurance is nice, but it’s no constant masturbation breaks.

Still, getting escorted out of the building by security was no fun, and sharing the elevator with Dana Milbank on the way out was even worse, but none of that compares with the withering scorn of Jean Grey.