This season the Dick/turd Feelers are letting every QB on the planet drive on their defense for winning scores. They let The Incredible Sulk, Jay Cutlerfu*ker do it, they allowed Cornhole Palmer to do it, then deepthroat hot dogs at them in derision. They look at me and say “you violated me in the last minute with your eyes, you did it with your eyes.”

NOW COMES THE LASERFACE TROIKA! THAT’S RUSSIAN FOR “THIRD STRAIGHT DICK KICKING”! YOU ESCAPED THE MARMALARD REVENGE/COACHING KILL TOUR LAST YEAR! YOU WON’T BE SO FORTUNATE NOW!

And this is how I’m gonna do it.

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Ahem!

PLAY ME ON, DOUBLE-L COOL NEGRO!

L.L. Cool J: That’s when Philip Rivers goes all LAST MINUTE TD DRIVE

Yeah. Be more quick about that next time. See, my super soldiers are gonna let you feel good about yourself and have a lead most of the game, maybe even let you pin us inside our 10 inside two minutes while behind four points. THAT’S WHEN A COILED LASERFACE STRIKES! WHAT? HUH? WHAT? ANOTHER CRUSHING LOSS FOR THE SUPER BOWL CRAMPS!!

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Finally, it’s time for some SUNDEE Night Footbaw, starring the Raljon Redskins and the Balmer Ravens. Ape has already detailed the Battle of the Beltways (two s’s not one because we don’t share a single beltway, otherwise we’d have to interact with one another on far too regular a basis) and I’ve provided my needlessly detailed analysis for the peacock (to think, the msm thinks the blogosphere is obscene!) so there really isn’t to much more to say. Except for “fuck Baltimore” of course. Because that’s always worth saying. Anyway, continue after the jump for some thoughts on what we’ve seen so far today, and follow along in the open thread.

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