STEELERS MAKE SWITCH TO LESS BOOZY TERRIBLE KICKER After years of putting up with his embarrassing antics and short kickoffs, the Steelers have finally had enough with Jeff Reed. Apparently the team simply won’t truck players publicly maligning the Heinz Field grass during a press conference. His replacement will be former Redskins and Cowboys failure Shaun “Shazam” Suisham, whose career highlight to date is an incredibly fake video of him kicking a 110-yard field goal in 2008. Huzzah!

Jeff Reed has once again reinforced his rock-solid reputation as douche of the drunkenist order by getting a police citation yesterday after the Steelers win at home against Cleveland. But this time it was really 10-foot-tall blocking deficient backup tight end Matt Spaeth who initiated the problems by having cops catch him peeing on an SUV.

Skippy only made things bad for himself when he [premature facepalm] unimpressively tried to challenge the officers to a bit o’ the fisticuffs.

The officer went to Mr. Spaeth to issue a citation when, police said, the Steelers kicker got out of the vehicle.

He refused to get back into the vehicle, which was driven by his father. Instead, Mr. Reed put up his fists and got “into a fighters stance,” according to a police affidavit.

The confrontation was swift as one officer put Mr. Reed in an arm lock while a second officer forced him to the ground.

Nicely done, Skip. I bet Daniel Sepulveda would have at least gotten a punch off.

Having gotten his drank on in Tampa, Jeff Reed now embarks on an offseason of sitting at tables with large bottles of Grey Goose and sticking microphones up guys’ asses. Because the flatus must be heard! And leopard print girl seems very interested in what it has to say.

Ahem. Anyway, sorry to push Kate Mara down the page, but the latest in the neverending series of exclusive shots of Skippy getting tanked takes precedent.

Also, for a quick daily refresher in annoying homerism: it seems Cowboys fans are all hot and bothered because some diptard on ESPN suggested that the Steelers should now be the ones called “America’s Team” because they have lots of fans and the most Super Bowl titles. I think I speak in accordance with the rest of Steelers fans when I say we don’t give a shit and Dallas can keep their dumb moniker.

WE ONLY INTERESTED IN DRANKIN’