My plan for last week’s Sexy Friday was to take us on a wild ride through history, but that got pushed to the backburner, and for a very good reason. But now we’re back on track, and I’m ready to take you all in a ride in my Sexy Friday Time Machine. For the sake of continuity, let’s say it’s a Rob Ryan F*ck Van.

Today we travel back to 1979, thanks to the fine people at Retronaut, who uncovered a copy of a 33-year old Victoria’s Secret catalog. And I was checking out the Angels of yesteryear and wondering, “Just how shag is that carpet, and how do they match up to the Angels that we’ve been appreciating in the here and now?”

Strap yourselves in and prepare to cast judgment, friends, because where we’re going… we don’t need bras.

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I’m already preparing myself for a weekend of talking about high school memories that involved listening to the Beastie Boys and drinking St. Ide’s Special Brew, because that’s the first thing I thought about when news broke earlier that Adam Yauch, AKA MCA, passed away after his battle with cancer. Well that and the Beastie Boys ABA ringer t-shirt that I’ve held on to since high school. Without getting all in memoriam here – because I assume most people are already upset enough – I’ll just plainly say that this sucks.

And so I had this Sexy Friday ready, full of exotic, scantily-clad females with a creative little theme that I came up with the other day. I thought, “Yeah, the commenters at KSK are going to love this one!” But I decided it will have to wait until next Friday. Because even though this is a football blog, I write mostly about basketball at With Leather, and I decided that since MCA was such an avid basketball fan – he directed the documentary Gunnin’ for the #1 Spot – there was only one appropriate theme for Sexy Friday now.

As a tribute to Nathan Wind, Nathaniel Hornblower and a big New York Knicks fan, bring on the sexy Knicks girls.

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IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR ANY AND EVERY SOCIAL ACTIVIST GROUP: If you are putting together a public service announcement, it should star Kate Upton. If a group paid Upton to tell me that killing puppies is essential for the betterment of mankind, guess what – dead puppies everywhere. If Upton championed a group that endorses using babies to fuel woodchippers, I’m gonna kill a few thousand babies and trees.

Thankfully, Upton isn’t making me kill puppies and babies – not yet at least – and she’s just reminding us that it’s wrong to pick on people. When it comes to this whole anti-bullying thing, I get a little annoyed, because I was raised with the philosophy of not taking sh*t from people, and because of that I prefer that nerds and geeks just use their fists to respond to bullies. Alas, we can’t all be like Casey the Punisher, so if Upton is truly dedicated to stopping bullies, I recommend that she let me snuggle her the next time that someone is mean to me.

I ask so little.

And thus our Sexy Friday has been inspired by the women who fight back. Preferably while wearing no shirts.

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We’re drafting Playboy Playmates this week, meaning only those who have been named Playmate of the Month are eligible. Sorry, Madonna.

The idea is similar to SI Swimsuit draft. The idea is to create your ideal issue using only the three women you select.

The KSK draft order is as follows…

1. Flubby
2. Captain Caveman
3. Big Daddy Drew
4. Christmas Ape
5. Unsilent Majority

After our 15 picks there will be something like 600 other playmates to choose from in the comment section.

WARNING: Assume that all hyperlinks are NSFW, because most of them are.

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Today’s SI swimsuit model mock draft has already introduced ample sexiness into our Friday. Were we content to kick back, believing to have fulfilled our Sexy Friday duties, we could have done so. But no! We remain committing to giving you readers your regularly scheduled Sexy Friday post.

If there’s an issue to be had with pictures of scantily clad models in swimsuits, it’s probably going to be a minor one. And here it is: they get to be in nice, warm locales, whereas I do not. I have to be in one of those lame places that experiences a terrible thing called winter. Granted, it’s been a mostly temperate winter (at least where I’m at), but even the best of winter conditions blow compared to the other seasons. So, after the jump, we keep the scant cladding and we substitute the cold climes for the warm ones. Ha, now you’re uncomfortable too, woman who is sure to catch death outside!

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Sure, we’re probably a week late on this draft. But if there’s one thing that can distract people on the internet from perfectly captured breasts, it’s The Simpsons. Everybody gets three swimsuit models at the height of their respective talents to create their ideal imaginary issue. Don’t act like you’ve never done this.

This week’s draft order is as follows.

1. Christmas Ape
2. Flubby
3. Big Daddy Drew
4. Unsilent Majority
5. Captain Caveman

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Kate Upton and Jeremy Lin were the queen and king of omnipresence this week. We’re okay with that. Lin, despite being a magnet for thinkpieces ranging from forgettably annoying to memorably derpy, has been entertaining and dominant. Upton, despite possibly dating Mark Sanchez, performed the grand feat of embarrassing Darren Rovell on television and, more importantly, continued her welcome practice of being an incredibly hot person who’s amenable to being photographed.

Choice samples from her SI photoshoot after the jump if you can bear just a little more overexposure, as it were.

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Sure, the off-season has been upon us for a few days now, but the despair doesn’t really set in until Sunday, when you rouse yourself from a hangover only to to discover there’s no more football to get drunk to for, like, forever. It’s devastating. It’s cold and miserable and awful and please put me into a coma until the Draft or March Madness. I’m sick just thinking about it. If only I could laugh at the Patriots just once more.

Oh, there we go. That’s nice.

As usual, we’re falling back on that tried-and-true coping mechanism of fapping the boredom away. For that, we turn to Playmates stripping out of Peyton Manning jerseys. It’s far sexier (if less amusing) than a graphic artist working Peyton’s giant noggin into every team’s logo. It’s also very NSFW by virtue of the nudity thing, so office drones beware. Full gallery here. Finding one area of aboveboard underboob to crop into an image we could post was a challenge.

Enjoy the weekend, someway, somehow.

[top image via Shutterstock]

O AN HE SEXY

You know, I get cutting off the sleeves of a sweatshirt to free your wrists from the constraints of elastic, but cutoff sweatpants? C’mon Bill, you’re just trolling us now. Athletic shorts exist, and they are comfortable, and they are available from NFL-approved clothing sponsor Reebok. You needn’t show us so much thigh…

…but we’re glad you did anyway! GRRRR 2 HOTT 4 INDY! Sexy Friday be ALL UP IN YOUR GRILL with MILF-hunting football acumen. Your move, Coughlin.

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