NO! NO! TOO SEXY! TOO SEXY! Don’t tell me Santa Claus, Indiana don’t know style, or else I won’t know what to think of fashion template Jay Danforth Cutlerfu*ker posing soigne-ally for Michigan Avenue Magazine. That’s the look that gets all the teammates to share their wives with you. At the very least, it makes up for having a non-symmetrical face, which Cutler does only because he cries out of one eye. Naturally, thoughts of Cutler turn the mind to sex, so send your sexbag questions to us, unless your genitals have instantly shriveled to nothing after you’ve been consumed with the anxiety that sets in when you realize you must compete for the ladies with this.

While I’m in a reminderin’ mood – Here’s another mention that I’m doing a reading tomorrow evening at Varsity Letters in Brooklyn. Meandering speeches, monotone delivery – my reading’s gonna have it all!

[Cutler story via Deadspin]

Hey this pic doesn’t pertain to any of the themes in the mailbag. You’ll just have to accept my apologies.

As the season inches closer, the fantasy football questions grow more and more specific, and for some reason, the sex questions turn a little more depressing. Anyway, we’re running late enough as it is, so let’s get into it, shall we?

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SEXBAG PROBLEMS: YOU SEND ‘EM, WE MEND ‘EM. Or at least gently mock them. Either way, they go here. In the future, we may allow non-sex related general interest questions as well, just to avoid the repetition of anal/threesome inquiries. For the time being, continue inundating us with your perversions.

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HERE IS YOUR WEEKLY PLEA FOR SEXBAG QUESTIONS. So get on it. In an unfortunate update to an e-mail from a few weeks back, the guy who was dating the girl who was perfect in every way except for the one small fact that she routinely spouted obscenely racist remarks (kind of like Brigitte Bardot!) wrote back to say he was dumped by said girl because she claims she was tired of having to censor herself. I think I can agree with everyone in saying dude is better off. And that I hope racist girl’s head explodes when Sonia Sotomayor gets confirmed, which will be followed by legions of rats (black ones!) feeding on the splattered goo.